Thanksgiving

I'm enjoying a quiet morning....Mike's still asleep, coffee is brewing, and the street outside our house is unusually still. Yesterday was Thanksgiving and it's like the world is either recovering from the festivities or sleeping from being up all hours of the night shopping. (I apparently am doing neither, haha)

So, Thanksgiving. We spent the morning at home, Mike making breakfast and me watching the Detroit Thanksgiving Parade...it's really a wonder that he got anything done because I kept calling him into the room to watch "this" or "look at that!".  Then we spent the rest of the day with different sides of the family, eating turkey, catching up, and goofing off.  It was a pretty calm holiday. 

As people do, they asked about our adoption process. I'm not going to lie, I could talk about it all day long. I love to answer questions and tell about how everything has come together and how we are excited to watch the Lord continue to form our family from a couple, to a family of three...a daddy, a mommy and our baby. I don't mind sharing things I'm nervous about right now (I say "right now" because you all know there will probably come a post later on in this process about how I've been silently worrying about something and how the Lord has calmed my nerves and once again reminded me that He's the One in control). I like to tell people "what's next" in the process...it's reminds me that it's all real and starting to happen.

I'm thankful in a way that I haven't been before...I'm thankful to be on this ride, not knowing when the next turn will happen, but knowing that it's where I'm supposed to be. I'm thankful for people who have been there - "veterans" who share their stories with me and the kindred spirits that I find in those people - talking to someone who exactly speaks the language my heart is speaking about adoption, and knows what I'm feeling is incredible. I'm thankful for people who are on the same journey, who  can share the frustrations and the questions. I'm thankful for the people who ask and who are excited to watch our family grow. I'm even thankful for the people who don't understand it at all and say things like "well, maybe you'll get lucky and won't have to adopt, those kids can be real messed up" because it reaffirms to me that I LOVE adoption. I am so thrilled to be on this journey...honestly, not wanting to be doing anything else. (Side note, after hearing that last comment, my first reaction wasn't thankfulness, it was to try and not start a rant about how "vaginal kids" can be "messed up" too. Pray for grace for my words...I'm learning.)

It was a different Thanksgiving for me and I loved it. I am so excited for when Thanksgiving will include remembering the bib, or Cheerios, or chasing a little one around and keeping them from sticking their fingers in everyone's food. I'm excited for the first Thanksgiving when we can be holding our child while we pray around the table...hugging an example of God's faithfulness and goodness. I'm so thankful for that day...and I'm thankful for today. Happy Thanksgiving, friends. We love you all.

To my sweet child...

Facebook has been hot with the trend of people making a list of a number of random facts about themselves. It got me thinking of things that I want our child to know about us and things that I hope for them. So here's what I have so far:

• You were not born by chance. You were born with a purpose and were created perfectly. 
• I have been dreaming about being your mom since I was a little girl. This does not mean that I will be a perfect mom who has everything together, but it does mean that you are a dream come true for me.  
• I will ALWAYS hug and kiss you. So will your daddy. Just go with it because it's not going to stop.
• Christmas decorations will go up early and stay up past New Years...I hope you like the holidays!!
• It's okay to be who you are - in fact, I want that for you. Embrace the little quirks and what makes you different from everyone else - these things are what make you special.
• I'm already praying for whoever it is that you will marry. 
• If there is one thing that I want for your life, it's that you love the Lord more than anything else. He is the only thing in life that will satisfy your soul. 
• Dance parties are not only fun, but sometimes they are necessary to clear your head.
• I want you to know that no matter what you're going through, I will be here to listen to you. 
• Life isn't always going to be fun and easy. It's going to hurt sometimes and sometimes you will want to give up. But, it's worth fighting for. 
• You won't always have control of what happens to you, but you can choose how you react to it. 
• Negativity is a sickness that will eat your soul - don't let yourself catch it. 
• Sometimes, we'll have movie marathons and stay in pajamas all day long. It's okay to relax. Don't feel bad about saying that you need a break and time to rest.
• It's okay to cry when you're sad. Crying doesn't mean weakness. 
• Your daddy and I will always love you - no matter what. 
• We're allergic to cats and some dogs, I'm so sorry, but you will never have a pet with fur.
• You will also never have a snake for a pet. I'm not sorry about that one. 
• Christians aren't going to always treat you like they should - don't judge Christ by Christians that you see. We are ALL saved by grace. 
• If you need help with math...or history...or science, ask your dad. I'm not going to be of much help.
• Don't be mean...even if everyone else is. Remember that every person you see was created by God. Stand up for injustice. 
• We celebrate life in our family.

I love you so much, sweet baby...the fact that you are waiting for us at the end of this journey, makes everything worth it.

Where He leads, I will follow...

I realize this is an awkward time to post and update, but I had the time to sit and write and wanted to make sure that I got it all in here.  (By the way, if you are singing the theme song to "Gilmore Girls" because of the title to this post, know that I am too...you're welcome) :-)

This past week, Mike and I encountered a bump in the road that we were definitely not expecting and we were reminded (once again) that we are not the ones driving this train. We filled out and submitted the application and home study questionnaire on Orphan Sunday. As we were signing the final "e-signature" (little side note about that, there is NO WAY to make a pretty e-signature if you're using the mouse pad on the computer...my signature on our initial documents look worse than my writing in 4th grade when I was first learning cursive!) and before I hit the "save and submit" button, I just prayed that the Lord would continue to lead and guide us, and that He would be in every step we took. We submitted everything and said that we would bring them the initial payments on Thursday morning.

Wednesday afternoon, I got an email from our agency saying that because of the high number of parents interested in adopting from Africa, they were not accepting any new applications until later notice. Being that we had submitted everything, but had not yet paid, I wasn't sure where that left us in the process. So we prayed and wrote an e-mail back, asking about our status, being hopeful but preparing ourselves. The waiting that next day was rough, and I realized that it was just the start of our waiting in this process. Our prayers that day were that the Lord would provide us with peace and with wisdom.

I finally heard back from the person in charge of the Africa program and she told us that since we had submitted everything when we did, we could keep progressing in our adoption. She also told us that because of the increase in interest, that our adoption was probably going to take longer than we had originally thought. But, we can keep going! Thank you, Lord...

So, if you were to use pregnancy terms in adoption, you would be able to saw that Mike and I are officially "expecting"! I just got back from making our initial payment to the adoption agency. Next will be the home-studies, which will take place over the next 2-3 months. After that, we hope to get involved with organizations that will let us set up an tax-deductible account and to also sign up for some grants.

Here's where I ask for prayer from you. Please pray for wisdom for Mike and I. The "bump" we experienced opened our eyes that the Lord may be leading us to open the specifics of our adoption. Whether it is a child with special needs, whether it is an older child...we honestly do not know. We know that, without a doubt, the Lord has a child for us and that he or she was created perfect, in His image. We know that we already love our child more than I ever thought was possible. We know that we want His will...we know that He will lead, He will provide, and that He will make His plan known to us when we need to know it. We know that nothing takes Him by surprise and that He loves us. These things we know...other than that, I've got nothing. I wish I could tell you how long it will take, how old our child will be, and other specifics...but those details are waiting to be discovered in this miracle that we're experiencing. Our story is already beautiful, and I know that it will continue to be so...He is good.

Next step: home studies...bring 'em on! ;-) Love you all.

An update about our journey!

Before I start writing, I want to set up the scene of this blog entry for you guys. Mike and I are sitting together in a cozy coffee house booth, listening to them play very indie sounding music (you know the kind of music where you are fairly certain that they are saying something because you can kinda hear, but you aren't sure if those words are actual words or just random syllables that the artist put together to sound "original" or whatever) drinking fancy-pants coffees (well, Mike is...I got a mocha), both in our professional work clothes, and typing on our computers...haha, we look SO much more "cultured" and serious than we really are! If these other people only knew that before I started typing, I was looking at the humor page on Pinterest and that I am now laughing at how I feel like I'm an imposter in this super serious culture around me! 

Anyway, now that I have the scene for you (you're welcome for that, by the way)...as of Friday night, we are at our first quarter goal for the adoption! And as of today, we are now $300-$400 into the next quarter that will be due after the home studies are complete. Praise and glory be to God alone, for He has provided! I often go back and re-read previous entries, and I am blown away at how far we have come since 8 weeks ago. The next step in this journey is to send in all the paperwork with the first payment! We filled out all the paperwork months ago, so we need to go back and make sure that everything is still up to date. Then, its education classes, home studies, and good stuff like that! We are beyond excited!! I can't wait to snuggle our sweet little babe...

I wanted to share an experience with you all, since I share pretty much every other experience with you. On Monday morning, as I was getting ready for my first appointment of the day, I started to just think about the baby and this whole process, and (surprise, surprise) my thoughts started to turn into worry. I get caught up in the silliest of worries sometimes. As I was worrying loudly to myself, the Lord spoke to me. Not in an audible voice, but a very quiet, gentle, yet still firm enough so that I couldn't over think it - He said "Natalie, stop it...I've got this. Enjoy this time." Enjoy.  The definition of the word enjoy is this (according to Bing):

1. find something pleasing: to take pleasure in something
2. have use of something: to have the full and satisfying use or benefit of something
3. benefit from circumstances: to benefit from a desirable condition or situation

He spoke to my heart, once again, that He is in control. He told me to stop worrying about things that I cannot control and to enjoy this time...enjoy this process. Enjoy watching Him work and provide, enjoy the planning, enjoy the learning, enjoy the experiences and the miracles, enjoy the last few months of being free to go and do whenever we want. Enjoy the peace that He is offering me. Enjoy the fact that this whole thing was His plan to begin with! Enjoy this time.

It was one of the sweetest moments that I can ever remember, between me and my Lord. Enjoy...and rejoice in the fact that He wants me to enjoy this. 

One more little thing before I save and publish, I want you all to know how thankful Mike and I are for you. I just started a little scrapbook of the notes and memories from our adoption process so far. It is so precious to me and I want to always remember how many people we had walking this journey with us. One day, our sweet baby can look through it and see how many people were waiting with us and how much they are wanted and loved. <3

Therefore, do not worry....

Well, I know that I posted this on Facebook last week, but we are now about $500 away from our first quarter amount. It is thrilling...and it is getting very, very real! This coming weekend, we are helping to run an estate sale and it's possible that the last $500 or so will be made. Then, it all starts happening! This quarter amount will include home studies , which have a time limit on them of a year, after that you need to get them renewed. I was going to write a sentence about how we could have our baby in a year, but lets just be real...my idea of timing is just that...an idea. This is all in HIS timing and, while I tend to be impatient sometimes (ah hem, most times), I want it to happen His way and on His time.

Mike and I have been starting to really talk about starting to empty out the second bedroom...where to store office stuff, what to give away or sell, and what to keep so that the room is ready for the home studies. It's starting to become real, as opposed to a dream of "maybe one day". If I am honest, sometimes I feel like I don't want to think about it or do anything because I'm afraid of it not happening...adoption is not certain. I find myself giving into fear and doubt....I wonder, but not out loud because I don't want to seem weak, if the Lord will actually make this happen. I find myself acting as if He is a bully God - promising one thing and then taking it away because of one thing or another, and then laughing at my confusion.

I can very easily let myself go to the place of doubt and fear...but, that's not what I am called to do. I am called to be faithful and to go, with joy, knowing that His plan for my life is ultimately what I want. This adoption may go swimmingly but then again, as we have seen before, He may end up having another plan that all of this is preparing us for. I cannot let fear and worry control me...He says very clearly "Do not worry about tomorrow". I don't know the outcome or timeline, but I know He has it all planned out and it will be exactly how it should be.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34)

I really didn't mean for this to be a "Debbie Downer" post, haha! But, I truly think there is something so beautiful about opening up the darkest places of my soul and watching as His peace and calm and love, fill it with light. I didn't intend to spill my guts, but as I kept typing, it just started coming out. And you know what, I'm thankful for that because we are not to feed and encourage fear and anxiety, like I was doing. We truly serve a gracious and loving God, don't we? I am thankful for that...

Another day closer

Last week, I wrote that we were about $1300 away from being at our first quarter goal. The next day, Mike sent me a picture of a check that someone had sent us for the adoption. Now, we're about $800 away. The Lord keeps providing for us and encouraging us, and it's amazing. He told us "let me work" and He has...He is blowing us away with His perfect timing in all things. Mike told me later that the day we received the check in the mail, he woke up thinking about the adoption process and that he had prayed "Lord, $1300 seems far away and I don't know how it's going to happen" (or something along those lines) and then while opening the mail at lunch, found that check and a note. We were also given the opportunity to help run an estate sale and half of the profits will go to our baby fund. You guys...the Lord told us to be still and let Him work...we have not gone fishing for any of this, we have been given opportunities and people have been generous. We know that this process is to show people His glory and I would be leaving out a huge part of the story if I did not acknowledge how I have seen His glory in this process. He is showing me how loving He is, how good He is, how He provides, and how He keeps His promises. Step by step He leads and provides us enough for each day.

"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”

(Lamentations 3:21-24)

Short and Sweet

This entry will be a short one (gotta go to work!), but I just wanted to give you all a little update on where we are! 

Mike and I were doing some math this weekend (Well, let's just be real about who was actually doing the math, most of you already know who was counting and adding. It wasn't me...I am more like a cheerleader on the sidelines as he does math. "Add 'em, count 'em, go, go, go!") 

Anyway, we are about $1300 away from our first quarter amount. WHAT??? You guys, that is beyond amazing. In about 3 weeks we went from needing over $4000, to where we are now. It is not possible for me to fully fathom that because it's so incredible. We are SO thankful, and humbled, and  realize how blessed we are. Thank you, thank you, thank you...

I read a pin (Pinterest) about adoption last week that said "Everyone says that she is so lucky to have us as parents, but the truth is: we are the lucky ones." It's been running around my head and in my heart since I read it...we are already SO lucky to be the parents to our baby...and we are also lucky to have you as our family. Actually, lucky isn't the right word...we are blessed. And having you walk along this journey with us, reminding us that we aren't alone, reminding us that God is good, praying for us, giving, helping, donating, asking about how we're doing, is amazing. Thank you, for walking with us.