Prayer requested...

I had another posting in here, but needed to update...

We got an email today from our adoption agency, clarifying some information that has been circulating about Ethiopian adoptions: things may be changing, thus making the process of adoption longer for parents/families. 

Adoption isn't promised to work the same for each family - Mike and I know this. It's not a guaranteed process with definite outcomes. But, Mike and I also know that we are not the ones in control of this. I was reminded of this as I read the email. 

I got the email and asked for prayer from many of you. I felt pretty peaceful, actually, as I got texts from you. But, then the lies of the evil one started to creep in: "It's not going to work", "You might as well give up" "You were foolish to think this would actually happen." As I started a load of laundry, I found myself on my knees in the kitchen (holding a pair of dirty jeans, no less) and in tears. It was scary and so sad...those lies made me feel so alone. 

Before I started the laundry, I had changed my iTunes station to a Christian one, asking it to play songs like Rich Mullins. And as I knelt in the kitchen, I heard "Above All" (Michael W. Smith) start to play...and as I asked the Lord to speak to my heart and tell me true things and telling Him of how much I desire to be a mommy, I heard this line "Crucified, laid behind the stone..." and the Lord said "I moved that stone, Natalie and I conquered death...I can move mountains, and the sea...I am in control". 

I cried more, but not tears of fear and sadness...tears of a girl whose Daddy just picked her up and gave her a hug. 
 
Friends, please pray...pray for peace, and for the process, and for His will to continue to be done. If you know of anyone who has adopted from Ethiopia, please ask them to share their positive experiences here: contactinfo@ethiostork.org or at ethiostork.ethiopianadoptionresources@facebook.com. 

He's on His throne and in control and He is so loving and good...thank you for being on this journey with us.

waiting and preparing

In early November, Natalie and I put up our Christmas lights.  Around Thanksgiving we put up our Christmas tree and other Christmas decorations.  After that we start to listen to more Christmas music (yes more because Natalie starts listening to Christmas music in early November).  We start to drive around Holland to look at the lights and Christmas decorations that others have put up.  We watch Christmas movies.  We wait for snow to fall and make everything look like Christmas.  We go to Christmas parties, we go to Christmas events downtown.  We buy gifts for our families.  All in anxious preparation of the season.  The Christmas season is a time of waiting and preparation.

I can't help but think it is the same for Natalie and I right now in the adoption process.  We are waiting and preparing.  Preparing and waiting.  Waiting for a child to join our family.  I have to admit that the waiting is hard, I am not a patient person.  I like things to happen on my time, when I want them to happen.  I am like the kid who can't wait to open up his Christmas gift.  Yet this is a season of waiting and preparing.  My tendency is to want to rush through it and get to the end.  However, I want to slow down and enjoy this season.  Much like I did with the Christmas season this year.  I am seeking to enjoy the waiting and preparing. 

Peace on earth....and in our home-study.

We had our first home-study this past Thursday! I want to tell you all about it! (PS: as I write this, I keep getting distracted by the different Christmas-y things of our house...lights twinkling causing the different glittery decorations to catch my eye, candles giving off amazing cinnamon/sugar/pine sent, and the view outside the windows is one of snow covered tree branches. It's like a Christmas card. This post could take me awhile to write at this pace!)

So now that I have acknowledged the beauty of Christmas around me, and as I try to focus on the computer screen, on to the topic that you came to read about!

Before the first home study, our adoption agency asked us to fill out a questionnaire so that they knew a little bit about us before we sat down with her. (Side note, not about Christmas, only one of our three home studies will be done in our home...the rest are done at the adoption agency. These are more so that they can get to know Mike and I.) That being said, the questionnaire didn't ask questions about our home, it asked questions about us. They asked about our childhoods, our dating relationships, our marriage, our goals and dreams, how we resolve issues, what we do in our free time...pretty much everything and anything was asked. 

I kinda freaked out after I looked at the questionnaire the first time. ("Kinda" means "totally did").  It scared me to think about being so honest with my whole life and I was pretty sure they were going to find a reason to tell us "no". But, through beautiful friends, my amazing husband, and a quote from one of my favorite books, I was reminded that we are called to be faithful and that this whole journey is to show how great our God is. 

After sending in our questionnaires, we had a few days until we met with our case worker to talk about them. I had expected to be nervous, but I wasn't. I expected to be consumed with the same lies that freaked me out earlier, but I wasn't. I expected to not sleep, but I did. The day of the home study, I expected to be nervously cleaning and to be edgy...I wasn't. I was completely peaceful. I like to prepare and to know what's going to happen (as you all well know), but I was totally at peace that we're right where we should be and that He is glorified through the telling of our stories. He was asking me to rest in Him, and I'm so glad I did. 

The home study went great. Our caseworker seems kind and I know she has been hand picked by the Lord to play this part in our journey. We talked, told our stories, and were able to talk out loud about being a family of three. Neither of us felt nervous, and I am so confident that that calm spirit was nothing but God. 

Peace on earth...and in my heart...and in this process. The Christmas season is filled with joy, hope, peace, love, warmth...and these are all things that I feel and know in my innermost being. The next home study is for the end of January and thinking about it doesn't freak me out...I'm excited to continue the process and take another step towards our child. One more step closer to being able to meet them, and touch their face, and hold their hand, and give them our last name. That thought is the best Christmas gift ever. <3

I had a birthday

Yesterday was my birthday. It was a day full of birthday wishes, and snow, and chocolate cake - just the way I like it! If you ask me how old I now am, I will probably tell you 29. In reality, I'm 31. (Don't tell anyone). 

When I was in my late teenaged years, I figured out my life's plan. (I was a very wise and knowing teenager, as all teenagers are, of course). I figured out that I would go to college, meet the man of my dreams, get married by 23, and start growing our family by 25. I would say "I want to have at least a year of just me and my husband before we have children.". Well, I actually did end up meeting the man of my dreams in college and we were married when I was 23. (So far so good, right? I thought I had it all figured out and I was really happy that the Lord was going along with what I had decided) When I turned 25, I realized that my "plan" wasn't going to continue to go as I had decided it would. Mike and I were NOT ready to be parents yet, we were still figuring out what it meant to be a married couple. I was starting to think that my hope of adopting wasn't going to ever happen because we weren't exactly swimming in pool of gold coins, so we started "trying" (that's as far as I'm going with that, you all know what it means). We didn't get pregnant and neither of us were willing to take any medical means to make it happen, because it just didn't feel right. We looked into a few more options about domestic adoption and foster care, nothing seemed to be right about that either. By the time I was 27, I was pretty angry. "God, don't you remember what we decided about? College, wedding, family - you're not holding up your end of the deal". It wasn't an easy time for me or for Mike.

As I seem to often do, I look back with so much gratitude in my heart and am filled with so much humility that the Lord is Who He is, and that He continued to work His plan, in spite of my temper tantrums and my tears. I am so thankful that He gave Mike and I more time to meld together as husband and wife. I am so thankful that He has brought us both to a place where we have soul-filling jobs, gave us friends and family who are also walking down the path of adoption, brought us to a little town that we love to come home to, and to a place of peace in our hearts where we know He isn't mean and withholding things from us just for the heck of it. He knew who He had planned for us to be parents to, and that sweet little face wasn't around yet.

Chances are, from the very beginning to end, when we are home with our little one, our adoption process could be 18-24 months. That's a long time. But, when I start to get anxious and impatient, I remind myself that He knows who our baby is...He planned our family out before I decided my life's plan at the ripe old age of 17. He picked us to be parents to the most precious little soul...and it will happen as it is supposed to happen...as it has been all long.  

So here's to 31 29: a year with endless possibilities and chances to be filled with hope, peace, wild times, and beautiful scenery.

 "Heart of my own heart, whatever befall....still be my vision, oh ruler of all"