When I was in my late teenaged years, I figured out my life's plan. (I was a very wise and knowing teenager, as all teenagers are, of course). I figured out that I would go to college, meet the man of my dreams, get married by 23, and start growing our family by 25. I would say "I want to have at least a year of just me and my husband before we have children.". Well, I actually did end up meeting the man of my dreams in college and we were married when I was 23. (So far so good, right? I thought I had it all figured out and I was really happy that the Lord was going along with what I had decided) When I turned 25, I realized that my "plan" wasn't going to continue to go as I had decided it would. Mike and I were NOT ready to be parents yet, we were still figuring out what it meant to be a married couple. I was starting to think that my hope of adopting wasn't going to ever happen because we weren't exactly swimming in pool of gold coins, so we started "trying" (that's as far as I'm going with that, you all know what it means). We didn't get pregnant and neither of us were willing to take any medical means to make it happen, because it just didn't feel right. We looked into a few more options about domestic adoption and foster care, nothing seemed to be right about that either. By the time I was 27, I was pretty angry. "God, don't you remember what we decided about? College, wedding, family - you're not holding up your end of the deal". It wasn't an easy time for me or for Mike.
As I seem to often do, I look back with so much gratitude in my heart and am filled with so much humility that the Lord is Who He is, and that He continued to work His plan, in spite of my temper tantrums and my tears. I am so thankful that He gave Mike and I more time to meld together as husband and wife. I am so thankful that He has brought us both to a place where we have soul-filling jobs, gave us friends and family who are also walking down the path of adoption, brought us to a little town that we love to come home to, and to a place of peace in our hearts where we know He isn't mean and withholding things from us just for the heck of it. He knew who He had planned for us to be parents to, and that sweet little face wasn't around yet.
Chances are, from the very beginning to end, when we are home with our little one, our adoption process could be 18-24 months. That's a long time. But, when I start to get anxious and impatient, I remind myself that He knows who our baby is...He planned our family out before I decided my life's plan at the ripe old age of 17. He picked us to be parents to the most precious little soul...and it will happen as it is supposed to happen...as it has been all long.
So here's to
"Heart of my own heart, whatever befall....still be my vision, oh ruler of all"
No comments:
Post a Comment