Standing (with shaky knees) on the promises of God

First off: I wish that instead of talking to people, I could just write everything I wanted to say...sentences come so much easier to me and I find that my words don't get as jumbled and mixed up as when I talk...it's easier to focus on trying to make a point when I type. Granted, I'm sure that the "backspace" button here and the ability to double check that everything makes sense before I publish it has a lot (or everything) to do with it. Anyway...

The title of this post is my current state of mine, soul, and heart right now. I believe this is what we are to be doing. BUT, it's big and scary and overwhelming. (That's not new news, is it?) The devil has been working overtime to try and convince me to give up. But, I'm standing... Here's what's been going on:

We opened an account at the bank for the baby after a woman at our church came to us and said "God wanted me to give you this money for your adoption". Since then, we have been slowly adding to it and have been blessed by some beautiful souls have been willing to donate monthly until we bring our baby home.You all know how much I have ( still do) struggle with the financial part of our adoption. The Lord has said "watch me provide". So, I must hold to that.

This past Sunday, I brought a client to her church. During the service, I started praying about life...and especially about our adoption, asking for clarity and guidance. I felt the Lord say to me "Take it to Moran (our church) and wait". So, that's what I felt I had to do.

I sent out a text to a few of you this morning, asking for prayer. After work, I stopped by the church and the pastor was still there. I explained what was going on (not very eloquently though...thus the reason for the first paragraph of this post!) and I just kinda laid it all out there. We prayed, lifting up our baby and the whole process up to the Lord. There was no brilliant light that started to shine, there was no rich person who walked into the room after we said "amen" and handed me a check, there was no writing on the wall telling me the exact way this will happen. But, there was (is) His promise.

He has a great plan and He is moving and working. He promised to make His name Great and He  provides the provisions for what His plan is.

So, I am asking for prayer from you. Please pray that the Lord will guide us, that we will follow, and that He will provide in ways that are undeniably Him. Please pray that however this happens, HE is seen and that His name is praised. May all the tiny details point to Him.

Standing...with shaky knees...on the promises of God.

The still, small voice...at the deli counter.

The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind, there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper... 

(1 Kings 19:11-12)

Last Friday, I experienced God at the deli at the grocery store. He came to me in a quiet, gentle whisper and brought tears to my eyes. This may all seem little and trite to you, but I want to document it because it was a precious moment between me and my God. 

I had woken up that morning with worry in my heart...worry about being a good parent, worry about the details that have to work out to bring our baby home, worrying that maybe we misunderstood...my worries seemed to be endless. So, I prayed a simple prayer of "God, just draw me close". Then, in typical Natalie-style, I went on with my worrying. 

Cast your cares on the Lord, and he will sustain you...

(Psalm 55:22)

As I turned on the radio, "Home" by Philip Philips was just starting to play. "Oh, I love this song!" and I turned it up. I have always cried at that song (I have posted this before), thinking about how it could very well be a love song between us and our baby, and between us and the Lord. I didn't stop right then and truly listen to the words that time though...just kept worrying and praying that the Lord would comfort me. (Are you laughing at me yet? Just wait, it gets better). 

Later on, as I was Pinteresting in between appointments, I came across this quote on a pin:  Adoption...not a second choice, a fallback option or because you can't have 'your own', but wholly believing you are seeking to bring home the very child God created with you and your home in mind, fully equipping you to be the very parent He created you to be. I loved it and posted it to Facebook immediately. I really only focused on the first part of the quote right then...thinking about how it matched what I had written in this blog the post before this one. I still kept praying that the Lord would just speak to me and make my spirit calm. (Keep laughing at me, it's okay). 

I went through my day with that prayer...wondering why I just wasn't feeling peace. Then towards the end of the day, as I waited with a client at the deli counter of the grocery store, it hit me. The Lord whispered to me: "Natalie, I've been trying to tell you all day...I'm right here. This is what I called you too and I will provide. I'm right here." I reflected on my day: "Home" being played as I finished my prayer. The Pinterest quote "... but wholly believing you are seeking to bring home the very child God created with you and your home in mind, fully equipping you to be the very parent He created you to be". He had been answering my prayers all day...I just wouldn't stop my self-focused worrying to realize it.  

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

 (Matthew 7:7) 

I felt like my sister's cat when it finds a patch of sunshine on the floor. It just lays down and basks in the warmth and light. I just stood there (with grocery shoppers all around me) and let that truth warm my soul and the light brighten up the dark corners of my heart and mind, where I had allowed worry to sit all day. 

 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts...and be thankful (Colossians 3:15)

I'm so thankful. I'm thankful for God's grace and mercy. I'm thankful for answered prayer (even if I don't realize the answer right away). I'm thankful for the baby that the Lord has created with our home in mind. I'm thankful for moments of peace at the grocery store. I'm thankful for each step of this journey. I'm thankful for the peace of God. I am thankful for this life and all the blessings that I have been given. 

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)