love.

There really isn't a whole lot to update about on our adoption process right now. We have some things on our checklist to complete (things like finishing up our education, and uploading documents). The next few weeks are pretty busy for Mike at work and we really want to be intentional about completing things together and really trying to learn as much as we can, so it might be a few weeks before everything is in for the final home study. 

A few days ago, I woke up in the middle of the night and as I walked into the kitchen to get a drink of water, I stopped by the spare bedroom. I'm always in awe that I'm going to be a mother because sometimes I feel like I'm still a little girl who is playing "house". As I stood in the doorway to our baby's future nursery, I couldn't help but pray "Thank you" and "Please help me" all at the same time. I have sensed the Lord working in my heart lately to ask Him to prepare my heart for the role of mommy. But, it's been in a way that has surprised me. He has been showing me that He loves me. Now, I know that that  may sound cliche', obvious, or ridiculous to you. But, to me, it's been life changing. 

I guess I have always viewed my relationship with the Lord as one that needed me to hold up my end of the things in order for Him to want to love me. And if I didn't hold my end, life would be difficult and it would be my fault. I thought I would just have to deal with the consequences of how things were going because I did something wrong. Please don't get me wrong here, there are consequences to our behaviors and our actions in life. But, where I was all wrong was where I thought I had to complete a list of tasks in a certain way to earn the Lord's time or favor. I was so wrong, and He has been so loving in the way that He has spoken to me that He loves me no matter what. He loved me before I loved Him. And I sure as heck didn't do ANYTHING to have Him love me. 

"This is real love--not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins." (1 John 4:10)

As the Lord is preparing me to be our baby's mommy, He is speaking to me as His child. Just as I will love to provide for our child, the Lord loves to provide for me. Just as I will do anything in order to be close to my child, the Lord has done EVERYTHING in order to be close to me. Just as I love to create a space for our child in our home, He has created a place for me. Just as our child doesn't have to do anything in order for me to love them, I didn't have to do anything in order for Him to love me. And there will be nothing our child will do to make me love them more or that will ever stop me from loving them, there is nothing I had to do to be loved by Him and He will never stop loving me.
 
The acknowledgement of His love has absolutely rocked my world these past two weeks. It causes me to stop and I just let is sink in: "He loves me". It takes so much pressure off of me, worrying that I shouldn't ask anything of Him because I really haven't been holding up my end and I don't deserve His time. He's never too busy to listen and to speak to me. He wants me to ask Him, He wants me to talk to Him about whatever it is that I'm feeling.

I don't know if you're still reading this, I know it's probably a lot of babble and things that you already know. But, it still amazes me. He loves me. And He loves you. I hope that I can show this love to our little babe...as much as I want to be the best mommy, I want even more for them to know about His love.

Pictures and Frames

I love pictures. I am actually surprised that I haven't done a picture post yet...let's fix that now.

I love that we can capture moments forever...

We are given the opportunity to be able to remember people just as they were when the picture was taken...

Our home is full of pictures...

I even have an entire wall dedicated to pictures. I really, really love pictures.

So, I love pictures. But there is one frame in our house, that sits empty as it's displayed. It's a frame that Mike got for me on Mother's Day, two years ago. It sits in our bedroom, in front of a little teddy bear that he gave me that same year. The bear is for our little babe. We'll bring it on our first trip and leave it with them. It'll smell like our home and hopefully bring a little comfort to them once we bring them home. The frame, is for me. It says "I prayed for this child", and it's empty. But, the emptiness of the frame looks like hope to me. It looks like a promise that is in process of being fulfilled. 

One day, it'll have a little face in there and I will probably post pictures of that! But, until then...it will wait in hope. 

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

(Romans 15:13) 

Home Study #2 recap

Hi. Our second home study was about 10 days ago and I have been waiting for the perfect time to be able to sit down and write about it. Throughout the week, I have been mentally writing and trying to remember all my thoughts and how God worked through it...I want to make sure I remember it all and write it all down.

So, I wrote in here, asking for prayers and for joy, and I brought my fears to the Lord. The "funny" thing about asking for prayer, is that then I need to remind myself that I need to relax my soul and enjoy the knowledge that the Lord hears my prayers. “Don’t worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God your needs..." . 

The night before our home study, I went to bed asking God to just give me joy and peace about this home study. (I'm starting to cry a little, this might take a minute to write the way I want). Guys, He gave me the sweetest dream about our little babe. In my dream, we were getting to meet them for the first time...we were there, getting to hold them, hear them laugh, see their sweet little hands and feet, and talk to the care givers about them. They told us that our child's nickname was "Hoot" because of the laughter and joy that they bring to everyone around. It's pretty common that the Lord speak to me in my dreams (probably because it's when I listen the best!), and this dream was one of the most real dreams I have had. I remember the lighting in the room, the colors, the textures of the fabrics, the faces, the sounds, and even the smells. I woke up with a huge smile and so much joy..."and don’t forget to thank him for his answers.” (Philippians 4:6)

That joy stayed with all day. It's still here. We had the home study and it went great - no nerves, and we were even done earlier than our case worker thought we would be. The Lord answered my prayers, and your prayers, and He showed to me His glory. He showed me His love and His power and gave me peace that could only come from Him. I am in awe and incredibly humbled.

"Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”  “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” 

(Matthew 14: 22-33)

We have some education to do and we need to get physicals, and then we can set up our third (and final!) home study. One step closer every day. :-) Thank you for not hesitating to intercede for us in prayer...He is so good, and Mike and I are very thankful to have you walking along side of us. We love you all. <3