An update about our journey!

Before I start writing, I want to set up the scene of this blog entry for you guys. Mike and I are sitting together in a cozy coffee house booth, listening to them play very indie sounding music (you know the kind of music where you are fairly certain that they are saying something because you can kinda hear, but you aren't sure if those words are actual words or just random syllables that the artist put together to sound "original" or whatever) drinking fancy-pants coffees (well, Mike is...I got a mocha), both in our professional work clothes, and typing on our computers...haha, we look SO much more "cultured" and serious than we really are! If these other people only knew that before I started typing, I was looking at the humor page on Pinterest and that I am now laughing at how I feel like I'm an imposter in this super serious culture around me! 

Anyway, now that I have the scene for you (you're welcome for that, by the way)...as of Friday night, we are at our first quarter goal for the adoption! And as of today, we are now $300-$400 into the next quarter that will be due after the home studies are complete. Praise and glory be to God alone, for He has provided! I often go back and re-read previous entries, and I am blown away at how far we have come since 8 weeks ago. The next step in this journey is to send in all the paperwork with the first payment! We filled out all the paperwork months ago, so we need to go back and make sure that everything is still up to date. Then, its education classes, home studies, and good stuff like that! We are beyond excited!! I can't wait to snuggle our sweet little babe...

I wanted to share an experience with you all, since I share pretty much every other experience with you. On Monday morning, as I was getting ready for my first appointment of the day, I started to just think about the baby and this whole process, and (surprise, surprise) my thoughts started to turn into worry. I get caught up in the silliest of worries sometimes. As I was worrying loudly to myself, the Lord spoke to me. Not in an audible voice, but a very quiet, gentle, yet still firm enough so that I couldn't over think it - He said "Natalie, stop it...I've got this. Enjoy this time." Enjoy.  The definition of the word enjoy is this (according to Bing):

1. find something pleasing: to take pleasure in something
2. have use of something: to have the full and satisfying use or benefit of something
3. benefit from circumstances: to benefit from a desirable condition or situation

He spoke to my heart, once again, that He is in control. He told me to stop worrying about things that I cannot control and to enjoy this time...enjoy this process. Enjoy watching Him work and provide, enjoy the planning, enjoy the learning, enjoy the experiences and the miracles, enjoy the last few months of being free to go and do whenever we want. Enjoy the peace that He is offering me. Enjoy the fact that this whole thing was His plan to begin with! Enjoy this time.

It was one of the sweetest moments that I can ever remember, between me and my Lord. Enjoy...and rejoice in the fact that He wants me to enjoy this. 

One more little thing before I save and publish, I want you all to know how thankful Mike and I are for you. I just started a little scrapbook of the notes and memories from our adoption process so far. It is so precious to me and I want to always remember how many people we had walking this journey with us. One day, our sweet baby can look through it and see how many people were waiting with us and how much they are wanted and loved. <3

Therefore, do not worry....

Well, I know that I posted this on Facebook last week, but we are now about $500 away from our first quarter amount. It is thrilling...and it is getting very, very real! This coming weekend, we are helping to run an estate sale and it's possible that the last $500 or so will be made. Then, it all starts happening! This quarter amount will include home studies , which have a time limit on them of a year, after that you need to get them renewed. I was going to write a sentence about how we could have our baby in a year, but lets just be real...my idea of timing is just that...an idea. This is all in HIS timing and, while I tend to be impatient sometimes (ah hem, most times), I want it to happen His way and on His time.

Mike and I have been starting to really talk about starting to empty out the second bedroom...where to store office stuff, what to give away or sell, and what to keep so that the room is ready for the home studies. It's starting to become real, as opposed to a dream of "maybe one day". If I am honest, sometimes I feel like I don't want to think about it or do anything because I'm afraid of it not happening...adoption is not certain. I find myself giving into fear and doubt....I wonder, but not out loud because I don't want to seem weak, if the Lord will actually make this happen. I find myself acting as if He is a bully God - promising one thing and then taking it away because of one thing or another, and then laughing at my confusion.

I can very easily let myself go to the place of doubt and fear...but, that's not what I am called to do. I am called to be faithful and to go, with joy, knowing that His plan for my life is ultimately what I want. This adoption may go swimmingly but then again, as we have seen before, He may end up having another plan that all of this is preparing us for. I cannot let fear and worry control me...He says very clearly "Do not worry about tomorrow". I don't know the outcome or timeline, but I know He has it all planned out and it will be exactly how it should be.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34)

I really didn't mean for this to be a "Debbie Downer" post, haha! But, I truly think there is something so beautiful about opening up the darkest places of my soul and watching as His peace and calm and love, fill it with light. I didn't intend to spill my guts, but as I kept typing, it just started coming out. And you know what, I'm thankful for that because we are not to feed and encourage fear and anxiety, like I was doing. We truly serve a gracious and loving God, don't we? I am thankful for that...

Another day closer

Last week, I wrote that we were about $1300 away from being at our first quarter goal. The next day, Mike sent me a picture of a check that someone had sent us for the adoption. Now, we're about $800 away. The Lord keeps providing for us and encouraging us, and it's amazing. He told us "let me work" and He has...He is blowing us away with His perfect timing in all things. Mike told me later that the day we received the check in the mail, he woke up thinking about the adoption process and that he had prayed "Lord, $1300 seems far away and I don't know how it's going to happen" (or something along those lines) and then while opening the mail at lunch, found that check and a note. We were also given the opportunity to help run an estate sale and half of the profits will go to our baby fund. You guys...the Lord told us to be still and let Him work...we have not gone fishing for any of this, we have been given opportunities and people have been generous. We know that this process is to show people His glory and I would be leaving out a huge part of the story if I did not acknowledge how I have seen His glory in this process. He is showing me how loving He is, how good He is, how He provides, and how He keeps His promises. Step by step He leads and provides us enough for each day.

"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”

(Lamentations 3:21-24)