An update about our journey!

Before I start writing, I want to set up the scene of this blog entry for you guys. Mike and I are sitting together in a cozy coffee house booth, listening to them play very indie sounding music (you know the kind of music where you are fairly certain that they are saying something because you can kinda hear, but you aren't sure if those words are actual words or just random syllables that the artist put together to sound "original" or whatever) drinking fancy-pants coffees (well, Mike is...I got a mocha), both in our professional work clothes, and typing on our computers...haha, we look SO much more "cultured" and serious than we really are! If these other people only knew that before I started typing, I was looking at the humor page on Pinterest and that I am now laughing at how I feel like I'm an imposter in this super serious culture around me! 

Anyway, now that I have the scene for you (you're welcome for that, by the way)...as of Friday night, we are at our first quarter goal for the adoption! And as of today, we are now $300-$400 into the next quarter that will be due after the home studies are complete. Praise and glory be to God alone, for He has provided! I often go back and re-read previous entries, and I am blown away at how far we have come since 8 weeks ago. The next step in this journey is to send in all the paperwork with the first payment! We filled out all the paperwork months ago, so we need to go back and make sure that everything is still up to date. Then, its education classes, home studies, and good stuff like that! We are beyond excited!! I can't wait to snuggle our sweet little babe...

I wanted to share an experience with you all, since I share pretty much every other experience with you. On Monday morning, as I was getting ready for my first appointment of the day, I started to just think about the baby and this whole process, and (surprise, surprise) my thoughts started to turn into worry. I get caught up in the silliest of worries sometimes. As I was worrying loudly to myself, the Lord spoke to me. Not in an audible voice, but a very quiet, gentle, yet still firm enough so that I couldn't over think it - He said "Natalie, stop it...I've got this. Enjoy this time." Enjoy.  The definition of the word enjoy is this (according to Bing):

1. find something pleasing: to take pleasure in something
2. have use of something: to have the full and satisfying use or benefit of something
3. benefit from circumstances: to benefit from a desirable condition or situation

He spoke to my heart, once again, that He is in control. He told me to stop worrying about things that I cannot control and to enjoy this time...enjoy this process. Enjoy watching Him work and provide, enjoy the planning, enjoy the learning, enjoy the experiences and the miracles, enjoy the last few months of being free to go and do whenever we want. Enjoy the peace that He is offering me. Enjoy the fact that this whole thing was His plan to begin with! Enjoy this time.

It was one of the sweetest moments that I can ever remember, between me and my Lord. Enjoy...and rejoice in the fact that He wants me to enjoy this. 

One more little thing before I save and publish, I want you all to know how thankful Mike and I are for you. I just started a little scrapbook of the notes and memories from our adoption process so far. It is so precious to me and I want to always remember how many people we had walking this journey with us. One day, our sweet baby can look through it and see how many people were waiting with us and how much they are wanted and loved. <3

Therefore, do not worry....

Well, I know that I posted this on Facebook last week, but we are now about $500 away from our first quarter amount. It is thrilling...and it is getting very, very real! This coming weekend, we are helping to run an estate sale and it's possible that the last $500 or so will be made. Then, it all starts happening! This quarter amount will include home studies , which have a time limit on them of a year, after that you need to get them renewed. I was going to write a sentence about how we could have our baby in a year, but lets just be real...my idea of timing is just that...an idea. This is all in HIS timing and, while I tend to be impatient sometimes (ah hem, most times), I want it to happen His way and on His time.

Mike and I have been starting to really talk about starting to empty out the second bedroom...where to store office stuff, what to give away or sell, and what to keep so that the room is ready for the home studies. It's starting to become real, as opposed to a dream of "maybe one day". If I am honest, sometimes I feel like I don't want to think about it or do anything because I'm afraid of it not happening...adoption is not certain. I find myself giving into fear and doubt....I wonder, but not out loud because I don't want to seem weak, if the Lord will actually make this happen. I find myself acting as if He is a bully God - promising one thing and then taking it away because of one thing or another, and then laughing at my confusion.

I can very easily let myself go to the place of doubt and fear...but, that's not what I am called to do. I am called to be faithful and to go, with joy, knowing that His plan for my life is ultimately what I want. This adoption may go swimmingly but then again, as we have seen before, He may end up having another plan that all of this is preparing us for. I cannot let fear and worry control me...He says very clearly "Do not worry about tomorrow". I don't know the outcome or timeline, but I know He has it all planned out and it will be exactly how it should be.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34)

I really didn't mean for this to be a "Debbie Downer" post, haha! But, I truly think there is something so beautiful about opening up the darkest places of my soul and watching as His peace and calm and love, fill it with light. I didn't intend to spill my guts, but as I kept typing, it just started coming out. And you know what, I'm thankful for that because we are not to feed and encourage fear and anxiety, like I was doing. We truly serve a gracious and loving God, don't we? I am thankful for that...

Another day closer

Last week, I wrote that we were about $1300 away from being at our first quarter goal. The next day, Mike sent me a picture of a check that someone had sent us for the adoption. Now, we're about $800 away. The Lord keeps providing for us and encouraging us, and it's amazing. He told us "let me work" and He has...He is blowing us away with His perfect timing in all things. Mike told me later that the day we received the check in the mail, he woke up thinking about the adoption process and that he had prayed "Lord, $1300 seems far away and I don't know how it's going to happen" (or something along those lines) and then while opening the mail at lunch, found that check and a note. We were also given the opportunity to help run an estate sale and half of the profits will go to our baby fund. You guys...the Lord told us to be still and let Him work...we have not gone fishing for any of this, we have been given opportunities and people have been generous. We know that this process is to show people His glory and I would be leaving out a huge part of the story if I did not acknowledge how I have seen His glory in this process. He is showing me how loving He is, how good He is, how He provides, and how He keeps His promises. Step by step He leads and provides us enough for each day.

"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”

(Lamentations 3:21-24)

Short and Sweet

This entry will be a short one (gotta go to work!), but I just wanted to give you all a little update on where we are! 

Mike and I were doing some math this weekend (Well, let's just be real about who was actually doing the math, most of you already know who was counting and adding. It wasn't me...I am more like a cheerleader on the sidelines as he does math. "Add 'em, count 'em, go, go, go!") 

Anyway, we are about $1300 away from our first quarter amount. WHAT??? You guys, that is beyond amazing. In about 3 weeks we went from needing over $4000, to where we are now. It is not possible for me to fully fathom that because it's so incredible. We are SO thankful, and humbled, and  realize how blessed we are. Thank you, thank you, thank you...

I read a pin (Pinterest) about adoption last week that said "Everyone says that she is so lucky to have us as parents, but the truth is: we are the lucky ones." It's been running around my head and in my heart since I read it...we are already SO lucky to be the parents to our baby...and we are also lucky to have you as our family. Actually, lucky isn't the right word...we are blessed. And having you walk along this journey with us, reminding us that we aren't alone, reminding us that God is good, praying for us, giving, helping, donating, asking about how we're doing, is amazing. Thank you, for walking with us.

A post for a Wednesday afternoon...

This post is a melting pot of a lot of thoughts, and they do not directly relate to our adoption process, but these thoughts are what the Lord is teaching me and how He is showing me Him. So, I guess in a way it is about our adoption because it's where I am.

I'm going do to my best to make it all make sense, but if you can't quite follow along, I totally understand and offer my sincerest apologies. (Mind you, I don't apologize enough to not post though, haha). Okay, here we go...

The year 2009 (especially the fall season) was, by far, the worst year (season) of my life. I remember crying when the ball dropped, welcoming in 2010, because I was SO glad that the previous year was over. My oldest cousin, Charity, had been diagnosed with metastatic melanoma two years before, and the Lord chose to bring her Home in August. Then, 5 weeks later, our Granpa also went Home. Mike and I were really struggling, trying to figure out where the Lord was calling us and why things seemed so scary and unknown. We were in the desert, for sure - clinging on (with only our fingertips sometimes) to the hope that He would show us where He wanted us to be. It was a very, very lonely year for me.

On Sunday, our pastor talked about healing. Part of the way through the service, I felt the Lord telling me to listen to Him. He reminded me of a story that my aunt (Charity's mom) shared at Charity's memorial service. She had found Charity crying in the shower one day. Concerned that she was hurting, she asked if everything was alright. Charity's answer was this: I'm afraid the Lord won't be able to use me. While fighting against with this heartless disease, her desire was to be used by Him...that her life would show His glory, no matter what happened. And my Granpa was the first to tell anyone that any good that people saw him wasn't him, it the Lord. Two beautiful lives that changed mine.

(Okay, this is where it might get messy...I'm trying to formulate words and thoughts and still process everything). What the Lord has been speaking to me this week, it is that it's not about me. (ugh, my pride is aching as I look back and read that on the screen and know that I will publish this). It is extremely easy for me to think that life is about me. That this adoption is about our family. I feel like I should not have struggles because doesn't God see that I'm busy trying to do what He asked me to do, and why can't things go faster like I think they should? However, as He so gently reminded me...it's not about me. And as I think about how it's not about me, I realize that I am SO blessed to be on this exact journey. To see how the Lord changed my heart, to experience His provision. (And speaking of His provision: our "cousin in law" Cheryl is hosting a Thirty One party at her house and online tomorrow and called me to tell me that she wants the proceeds to go to our adoption. He is so good and I am so thankful). I get to see how He is bringing Mike and I closer than we thought possible and how He is preparing us, and our marriage, to become parents to the sweetest little baby.  I see how He led and how He was there, even when I wasn't sure.

I truly want Him to use my life for His glory. No matter what is going on, I want to point to Him. Whether it's easy, whether it's scary, whether I'm hurting, or rejoicing, or just being still - I want people to see Him. I want this whole adoption process to point people to Him. It's not only about becoming a family of three, it's about God's plan and what He wants to do, what He is doing, and what He has done.

This post has taken much longer to write than it probably should have and I'm not even sure it makes sense to any of you. Sometimes, I feel like these posts are all the same: I struggle and God is good. But, that's pretty much the way my life is...but truthfully, that's how I want it. More of Him, less of me.

This is my story...

Lately, I have been thinking about the story plot of my life (haha, sounds real deep doesn't it? Like the first line of a Hallmark movie that is followed by some dramatic and emotional story that leaves the viewer in tears and looking for tissues, like most Hallmark movies seem to do). ANYWAY, Hallmark movies, as wonderful as they are (especially at Christmas!) is not my reason for this post...

I read this quote yesterday:

Every life tells a story...we tell our story and we let God's story be told through our lives. We tell God's story as we live and discover our own. We know that God is a storyteller...and I don't know if there's anything better in the world than when we lay ourselves wide open and let His story become our story, when we screw up our fists and our courage and start to tell the truest, best stories we know, which are always God's stories.

 (Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines)

That quote puts what is in my heart, into words. Day by day, I am more and more aware of the story of my life. I wasn't born randomly to random people. I was created by the Lord, specifically to be a child to my parents, a grandchild to my grandparents, niece to my aunts and uncles, a cousin, and a sister, a wife. I wasn't by chance. Nothing has been by chance...from the schools I went to, the friends I made, the trips I went on, the classes I took, the people I met. Nothing has been insignificant and everything has been leading me this way. And as I look back on as much as I can remember, I see God. I see His mercy, His grace, LOTS of forgiveness, and His love.

As Mike and I walk this journey, I have to continue to think about this. That nothing is random, or late, or early, or not important. Everything is significant and I want all of it to point to His faithfulness and His sovereignty. Each conversation is important, every gift is amazing, the times I'm impatient, the moments of uncertainty, and the moments of joy...they all matter. All of these things are a part of the story of my life. And they are a part of the story of our baby's life too.

I cannot wait for the day when the story gets to the part of our baby in our arms. (If it were a Hallmark movie, I would for sure watch it over and over again, going through boxes and boxes of tissue). But, I don't want to try and fast forward through this part of the story. I want to see the little moments that seem "insignificant" and rest in the knowledge that He is always working. He is the best author and the story that He is writing with my life shows how Great He is. May He been seen throughout my whole story...

Aftermath of an epic sale...

I've been sitting here for awhile, typing and then deleting...trying to come up with the best intro for this, and am having no luck. I don't even know where to start! This might be a long post...you might want to have a mug of tea with you before you start reading...

As you know, this past weekend was the garage sale. When we got to the church on Thursday night to help price and sort, Mike and I both stood in the doorway for a second, totally blown away at the amount of stuff that we saw. It was truly shocking, I kid you not. Items were everywhere...covering the main floor, up the stairs, on the landing, up more stairs, and on the second floor. This amount did not include the three drop off loads that were brought later on, nor the three truck and trailer loads that were still in our basement and in the house of the other couple who is adopting. Insane. I will be the first to tell you that it was a little (and at times, a lot) overwhelming at times. But, at the end of that night...I was reminded of the old hymn lyrics of "Count your blessings, name them one by one".

To be honest, I wasn't sure what to expect the first day of the sale. I kinda figured that we would pull everything out there, have moments of busyness and then those moments of no one, and that it would kinda go on in that pattern. However, that "on and off" crowd was not the case. The hours we had set for Friday was 9:30am-5:30pm, but as we pulled things out of church in the wee hours of the morning, people started to pull into the parking lot and look around. By 8:05am, we had made our first sale (a $2 item) and until the last item was put into the church that night at 6:10pm, we had no less that 5 people looking around. At one point, we had over 30 people looking around and a line of 5 people waiting to pay. I have NEVER seen a garage sale like this. It was crazy. But, we made over $2000 on Friday. Saturday was a little slower, but not much.  We still saw a very steady crowd of people...our first item sold almost right away. We made almost $1800 that day. So total, we made  almost $4000 in two days. Split between the two families that are adopting, we are each able to add almost $2000 to our adoption accounts. 

People's love and support were breath-taking. My parents spent the whole weekend in Holland, selling things and running the cash box, helping to load and unload items. A friend from church made and sold egg rolls and fried rice during the lunch hours. A woman in our small group made and sold cupcakes and another woman from our small group made and sold headbands. Friends and family donated items and then stayed to help us price and organize them! Two other couples, also from our small group, gave three days of their time to organize, sort, move, and sell. People from church came to look around and buy items, then came back with more items to sell! Most of the customers who we didn't know were kind and supportive of the reason we were there. People gave and smiled. Every dollar was a blessing. It was a crazy, busy, very exhausting, and at points rainy, two days but it was nothing less that incredible.

The amount that is being added to our adoption account is amazing. Who makes almost $4000 from a garage sale?? The total amount that we now have in our account isn't enough for us to send it in with all the paper work, but we are now $2000 closer than we were Friday morning. We are $2000 closer to holding our baby in our arms and being able to kiss their precious cheeks...$2000 closer to being a family of three with our sweet baby at home. I can't wait for that day.

The Lord showed me what it means to be a cheerful giver this weekend. He showed me that people are all around us, loving and supporting. He showed me that He provides. He showed me that He is gracious, and patient, and 100% in control, even when I think I should be the one in charge. He taught me so much, and I am humbled and thankful for all of it. I am so thankful to everyone who prayed for us, donated items, gave of their time, supported, and blessed us. These typed words will never fully express that. Mike and I thank the Lord for each of you...this journey is hard and scary, but your love and support is amazing. Thank you for being a part of our family.