This post has been on my heart for months now and I've been dreading it and anticipating it at the same time. I want you to read this and be able to see my heart in the words I write - as each word and sentance have been prayed over.
To my friends and family, I love you. Each of your lives and our interactions had had an effect on me and has shaped the way I live and how I see things. Most of the time, I'm vocal about what I'm thinking and feeling, but sometimes I'm just listening and watching as you interact with other people.
Not all adoptive families are conspicuous. Sometimes the hair, eyes, build, and skin can look very similar. This won't be the case for our family - we will be noticeable. Our child isnt going to look like us. Our child is African. Our child will look different than his parents, his aunts, his uncle, and his grandparents.
I consider you all to be walking this journey with us and this is why I want to share my heart...I need to share my heart, I don't even think "want" is the correct word. So here are my deepest thoughts and prayers right now:
- I love my child so much that I cannot fully explain it. I am amazed by them and their bravery already. Before they even come into our home, they will have gone through so much more grief and loss than most of us will ever have to experience. That tiny human is incredible.
- I feel so sad that not everyone will feel that way about my babe. Some people are going to look at their skin and decide to be hateful.
- I feel upset when I am told things like "well your baby won't really be black, they will be African" because that statement is full of hate and ignorance. Would they hate my child of we adopted domestically? What if they saw my child walking down the street and didn't recognize them? Would my child be in danger? Why does it matter where my child is born? Why is it okay to say comments like that?
- I feel angry when I hear friends and family talk about other races and then groups the entirety of that race into one lump and make blanket statements. People are responsible for their own actions. What group are you going to lump my child into?
- I feel so heartbroken when I hear Christians talk with hate in their words that don't even know is there because it is so engrained and never confronted. We are no better than anyone else...we are pond scum people, lower than that! We are destined and deserve Hell and the only reason we don't get what we deserve is because of Jesus. Christ died for all of us...not one race, not one denomination, not one culture. He didn't die more for those who we think are different. Your sin is disgusting to Him, and you have been saved. When did we forget that and decide to live like we deserve Heaven? Are you going to stand up for injustice and hatred when my child is there? Can you start now?
- I feel hopeful and thankful when I see and hear people desiring peace. It gives me courage to do the same. Not because of our child, but because it's the right thing to do. I want to know that there are other people out there who feel the same and who I can join hands with and show love to others with. I don't want to fight and to exchange angry words...I want to show people that Jesus already won and we're in this together. I want to show my child that the best (not easiest) way to face hatred is with the desire to show God's love. Standing up for what you believe in isn't easy, especially when you want to seek peace, not just win. But, it's what we are called to do.
- I feel thankful that God is full of grace and mercy. Because I am not innocent of being judgemental and angry. I am thankful that He reminds me to love Him with all my heart and my soul and my strength and then reminds me that I'm to love my neighbor as myself. Think about that for a second. I think I'm pretty great most of the time (not so much humble though!!) and I'm called to love my neighbor like I love myself.
It's not possible to write this without crying...my heart aches for a world who is also hurting. I love you all, and I trust you with these "feels" because I know that each of us, as humans, have the ability to love one another.
I don't just want to post this and consider my job "done" - I want to love the unlovable and share with them my reason for believing the peace of God can overcome human hate. I want to stand for peace in the name of Jesus. I want to stand next to you and show love. I want to be thankful for what I have and not be blind to what's going on around me. I want you to know Him and I want nothing more than for Him to be seen through me.
Friday, December 5, 2014
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Stuff and things!
I want to make sure that I get all our LifeSong stuff onto the blog! Our account is officially up and running. Our family name/account number is "VanDrie 4938". To donate by mail, send a check (with our family name/account number on the bottom) to:
Not only is our tax deductible account up and running, but our friend Becky is holding a fundraiser for us! She owns her own Norwex business and has set up a Norwex fundraiser for us that goes until the new year! All you have to do is go to this link: Norwex Fundraiser and place an order. No party name needed...Becky is giving all the profits of any orders that come in during this time to us. So generous and we are SO grateful.
AND I wanted to also record it on here that Mike and I are being given a matching grant from our church (up to $3,000) to our LifeSong account. Such a blessing and we are so thankful. The money that is in our LifeSong account stays safe for us to use whenever we need it in this process, right up to the plane tickets for our trips to Ethiopia. (Eeee!! LOVE thinking about those trips!!) Our adoption total will probably be around $34,000...this includes what we have already paid for our first payments with the homestudies and the airline tickets for the trips. Our next amount is due when we submit our dossier (which we are working on now). So amazed (not surprised, but amazed and filled with awe) at all the details that are working out and how the timing is so perfect. Our prayers that it all be set up and going before the end of the year have been answered and we are on our way to our last step before placement! Can you even believe that?? We are beyond blessed guys.
Thank you for your support, your prayers, your participation, your love, your willingness to help and your desire to be a part of this journey.
LifeSong for Orphans
PO Box 40
Gridley, IL 61744
To give online, go here. Select "Give to an Adoptive Family" (which is below the "make a donation" button you will first see), then complete the online form with family account number and family name. (Online is through PayPal). I will have a PayPal button set up for the side of the blog that will
link directly in a week or so (I have to have LifeSong set that up for me). All donates over $50 are sent a tax receipt so it can be tax deductible. Not only is our tax deductible account up and running, but our friend Becky is holding a fundraiser for us! She owns her own Norwex business and has set up a Norwex fundraiser for us that goes until the new year! All you have to do is go to this link: Norwex Fundraiser and place an order. No party name needed...Becky is giving all the profits of any orders that come in during this time to us. So generous and we are SO grateful.
AND I wanted to also record it on here that Mike and I are being given a matching grant from our church (up to $3,000) to our LifeSong account. Such a blessing and we are so thankful. The money that is in our LifeSong account stays safe for us to use whenever we need it in this process, right up to the plane tickets for our trips to Ethiopia. (Eeee!! LOVE thinking about those trips!!) Our adoption total will probably be around $34,000...this includes what we have already paid for our first payments with the homestudies and the airline tickets for the trips. Our next amount is due when we submit our dossier (which we are working on now). So amazed (not surprised, but amazed and filled with awe) at all the details that are working out and how the timing is so perfect. Our prayers that it all be set up and going before the end of the year have been answered and we are on our way to our last step before placement! Can you even believe that?? We are beyond blessed guys.
Thank you for your support, your prayers, your participation, your love, your willingness to help and your desire to be a part of this journey.
Thursday, November 20, 2014
The update I wanted to do Tuesday!
Okay, so first the random things:
- I wanted to write this entry on Tuesday after I posted on Facebook but didn't have the time. It's been swirling around my head since then!
- I'm convinced that grey (gray?) is the most comfortable color there is and my entire outfit right now is grey (Gray? Seriously, how do you spell that?) The comfort level of it completely trumps the fact that it's not the most fashionable thing I've ever worn.
- Christmas stuff goes up this weekend and I'm currently listening to the Canadian Brass Holiday channel on Pandora. I could listen to this stuff all day...that and Josh Groban. But let's be honest about it, I could listen to any Christmas music and be so happy about it.
Alright, now that that is out of the way! On to the update! Two entries ago, I had asked if you would pray that our LifeSong account would be processed before the end of the year. We had just sent it all in and knew it would probably take 8 weeks before we heard anything from them.
Tuesday morning, around 5am, I woke up worrying. I was worrying about our LifeSong account and the dark voices in my head were trying to get me to travel down the path of "what if". I forced myself to rebuke those voices and was able to go back to sleep with the knowledge that worrying at 5am (and actually worrying about it at all) wasn't going to do any good, and that I knew God had promised me that our whole adoption process is in His hands. The fact that I was able to go back to sleep was, in itself, a bit of a miracle. God is loving.
After being able to get a few more hours of sleep, I woke up and actually didn't think about LifeSong at all - until I got a phone call from them. As I listened to the message she left for me, asking that I call her back so we could discuss some things, I got that sick-cold feeling in my stomach...it's like when someone says "we need to talk". I don't like to admit that, I'd love to tell you that I heard her message and thought immediately "I'm so full of peace and joy", but that would be a lie. I was nervous because it hadn't been 8 weeks and I just got worried and let myself think about the worse case scenario.
So I called her back and she answered right away. She introduced herself and asked me how everything was going. I told her it was good, the process is slow, but that we were hoping our LifeSong account was able to be set up this year because we have a donor who would like to claim it on this years taxes as a deduction. Now, I don't know the whole purpose of the call, but it sounded to me like the call was just to get to know us a little better and talk about our application. But, this beautiful hearted woman said "Oh! I can understand that! I don't normally do this, but when we get off the phone, I'll walk down to the other office and make sure your account is set up today so you can make sure that donation get in this year!" You guys, I could have cried. I think I thanked her about 20 times.
As our conversation went on, she asked me about where we lived and what church we went too. I told her, and she told me that Holland is one of her favorite vacation spots - she and her husband visit often - LifeSong isn't out of Michigan. (I told her to save my number and to call me when she comes in next time, that she and her husband were invited to dinner. I totally meant it too and really hope she does!!) She also told me that her daughter-in-law was from the same area that I grew up in. So many little connections!
So many little connections that I could easily say "well it's a small world" and gloss over, but these little details are SO precious to me. Little details, to me, show how intimately the Lord loves us. How He knows me and my life and that I like to make connections with people. It also shows me how important our child's life is.
I have known all along that our child's life will touch other peoples lives. I know our child is special...I know that the Lord has a greater plan for them that I could only imagine. I know our child is His child. I know that our child's life is already changing mine and the lives of those around our family. I know that He promised His glory to be seen...and it has been, it is, and it will be.
I don't want to gloss over this acceptance to LifeSong...I don't want to not notice the little blessings in letting me connect with that lady. I don't want to forget the peace and ability to go back to sleep and not worry. I don't want to not acknowledge that it wasn't 8 weeks before we heard back. I don't want to just "check this off the list" and not stop to breath in deep the goodness of God. I think we can get too busy in life...and miss the miracles that are happening around us everyday. I don't want to not thank the Lord that people want to give to our adoption. So many blessings all around me...I want to stop and take them all in. I don't want this to just become another "thing we do for our adoption".
This last weekend, Mike and I went up to my aunt and uncles hunting cabin for opening weekend of gun hunting. It was so beautiful this time of year...about a foot of snow, and one night a sky full of stars. If it wasn't snowy and super cold, I would have laid there for hours just watching the stars. I realized that each of those stars are there for a reason...He knows each star. He designed each snowflake on the ground. So much precision and detail goes into stars and snowflakes...and those weren't created in His image - we were. Our journey is like a perfect tiny snowflake...so intricately designed.
Thank you for your prayers - you are all also playing such a beautiful and important role in this. And Mike will be setting up a link for the tax delectable link on here. I love to write and tell our story, but the technology aspect of this blog is all him!!
I don't know that I will update again before Thanksgiving, so just in case that I don't please know that Mike and I both consider you someone that we are thankful for this year. We are thankful for this journey and we are thankful for our babe. Have a good Thanksgiving, friends - we love you.
- I wanted to write this entry on Tuesday after I posted on Facebook but didn't have the time. It's been swirling around my head since then!
- I'm convinced that grey (gray?) is the most comfortable color there is and my entire outfit right now is grey (Gray? Seriously, how do you spell that?) The comfort level of it completely trumps the fact that it's not the most fashionable thing I've ever worn.
- Christmas stuff goes up this weekend and I'm currently listening to the Canadian Brass Holiday channel on Pandora. I could listen to this stuff all day...that and Josh Groban. But let's be honest about it, I could listen to any Christmas music and be so happy about it.
Alright, now that that is out of the way! On to the update! Two entries ago, I had asked if you would pray that our LifeSong account would be processed before the end of the year. We had just sent it all in and knew it would probably take 8 weeks before we heard anything from them.
Tuesday morning, around 5am, I woke up worrying. I was worrying about our LifeSong account and the dark voices in my head were trying to get me to travel down the path of "what if". I forced myself to rebuke those voices and was able to go back to sleep with the knowledge that worrying at 5am (and actually worrying about it at all) wasn't going to do any good, and that I knew God had promised me that our whole adoption process is in His hands. The fact that I was able to go back to sleep was, in itself, a bit of a miracle. God is loving.
After being able to get a few more hours of sleep, I woke up and actually didn't think about LifeSong at all - until I got a phone call from them. As I listened to the message she left for me, asking that I call her back so we could discuss some things, I got that sick-cold feeling in my stomach...it's like when someone says "we need to talk". I don't like to admit that, I'd love to tell you that I heard her message and thought immediately "I'm so full of peace and joy", but that would be a lie. I was nervous because it hadn't been 8 weeks and I just got worried and let myself think about the worse case scenario.
So I called her back and she answered right away. She introduced herself and asked me how everything was going. I told her it was good, the process is slow, but that we were hoping our LifeSong account was able to be set up this year because we have a donor who would like to claim it on this years taxes as a deduction. Now, I don't know the whole purpose of the call, but it sounded to me like the call was just to get to know us a little better and talk about our application. But, this beautiful hearted woman said "Oh! I can understand that! I don't normally do this, but when we get off the phone, I'll walk down to the other office and make sure your account is set up today so you can make sure that donation get in this year!" You guys, I could have cried. I think I thanked her about 20 times.
As our conversation went on, she asked me about where we lived and what church we went too. I told her, and she told me that Holland is one of her favorite vacation spots - she and her husband visit often - LifeSong isn't out of Michigan. (I told her to save my number and to call me when she comes in next time, that she and her husband were invited to dinner. I totally meant it too and really hope she does!!) She also told me that her daughter-in-law was from the same area that I grew up in. So many little connections!
So many little connections that I could easily say "well it's a small world" and gloss over, but these little details are SO precious to me. Little details, to me, show how intimately the Lord loves us. How He knows me and my life and that I like to make connections with people. It also shows me how important our child's life is.
I have known all along that our child's life will touch other peoples lives. I know our child is special...I know that the Lord has a greater plan for them that I could only imagine. I know our child is His child. I know that our child's life is already changing mine and the lives of those around our family. I know that He promised His glory to be seen...and it has been, it is, and it will be.
I don't want to gloss over this acceptance to LifeSong...I don't want to not notice the little blessings in letting me connect with that lady. I don't want to forget the peace and ability to go back to sleep and not worry. I don't want to not acknowledge that it wasn't 8 weeks before we heard back. I don't want to just "check this off the list" and not stop to breath in deep the goodness of God. I think we can get too busy in life...and miss the miracles that are happening around us everyday. I don't want to not thank the Lord that people want to give to our adoption. So many blessings all around me...I want to stop and take them all in. I don't want this to just become another "thing we do for our adoption".
This last weekend, Mike and I went up to my aunt and uncles hunting cabin for opening weekend of gun hunting. It was so beautiful this time of year...about a foot of snow, and one night a sky full of stars. If it wasn't snowy and super cold, I would have laid there for hours just watching the stars. I realized that each of those stars are there for a reason...He knows each star. He designed each snowflake on the ground. So much precision and detail goes into stars and snowflakes...and those weren't created in His image - we were. Our journey is like a perfect tiny snowflake...so intricately designed.
Thank you for your prayers - you are all also playing such a beautiful and important role in this. And Mike will be setting up a link for the tax delectable link on here. I love to write and tell our story, but the technology aspect of this blog is all him!!
I don't know that I will update again before Thanksgiving, so just in case that I don't please know that Mike and I both consider you someone that we are thankful for this year. We are thankful for this journey and we are thankful for our babe. Have a good Thanksgiving, friends - we love you.
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
My sad, and slightly grumpy, toddler-style day
One of the things I love most about toddlers, is that they don't hold back their emotions. If they feel it, they show it. Whether it's happy, sad, angry, bored, sleepy, hungry, or silly. (If you don't believe me, try getting a toddler who hates texture to touch play-dough or sand.) It's refreshing actually and in my 10+ years of teaching a classroom full of all of those 2 year old raw emotions, I learned to really appreciate it. I liked knowing how they felt because it let me learn what their little personality needed. It showed me who they were and what they liked and didn't like. It helped me learn how to best help them. It created a fun little friendship because I could understand who they were. I really miss that about teaching.
Yesterday was a struggle for me. Nothing happened to make it a struggle, no "bad news", nothing marked the day that would make me sad...it was just a normal day, but I was struggling. I missed our child. I wanted to just be able to hold them, and to hear their little giggle, and see the things in life that they enjoy. I wanted to know what they would want to be for Halloween. I wanted to be living life with that precious and most wanted child. I wanted to not be waiting anymore. I know, I know...the adoption process is a waiting game, and I will be the first person to tell you that. Most of the time I don't struggle like this and for that, I am SO thankful. But yesterday, I was sad and slightly grumpy.
Yesterday, I wanted to cry and to stomp my feet and throw a 2 year old style temper tantrum. It's not fair. It's not easy. It's not my "ideal" to have to wait for so long. I don't want to. I want it to be done and I want it to be done now. When I told this to my aunt on the phone, she kinda laughed and said "Natalie, don't you think the Lord would smile at that and giggle? He understands, He created you with this passion". SO TRUE. It really reminded me that God can handle all my emotions. I can feel free to tell Him that I don't like this, because He understands. He isn't afraid of my hissy-fits and isn't going to "smite me" because I am grumpy at this situation. He loves me and He knows my heart...He knows that I'm sad and grumpy and frustrated and impatient. He knows I was struggling yesterday, in fact, He knew I was going to struggle before I even got up. I love the idea that He listened to my grumping with a smile on His face and understanding in His eyes. I like that He probably laughed when He said "Natalie, I understand...let me comfort you".
Yesterday was a struggle and I didn't really love it and I definitely don't want it to become something that happens more than "once in awhile" because it's not fun. BUT, I'm thankful that even in my temper tantrum mood, I know that I serve a God who understands and who isn't annoyed by me. I know that on my next "struggle day", He will be there - He already is there! - and that He will choose to comfort me that day too.
I also wanted to thank those of you who were not hesitant to offer kind words and prayers yesterday. I'm not a "attention seeking, dramatic Facebook post" kind of girl, that actually makes me kinda of crazy, so debated even mentioning it on there yesterday, but I do want to be honest about our journey and yesterday was hard. Thank you so much for your understanding and for your love. I'm so thankful for you.
Yesterday was a struggle for me. Nothing happened to make it a struggle, no "bad news", nothing marked the day that would make me sad...it was just a normal day, but I was struggling. I missed our child. I wanted to just be able to hold them, and to hear their little giggle, and see the things in life that they enjoy. I wanted to know what they would want to be for Halloween. I wanted to be living life with that precious and most wanted child. I wanted to not be waiting anymore. I know, I know...the adoption process is a waiting game, and I will be the first person to tell you that. Most of the time I don't struggle like this and for that, I am SO thankful. But yesterday, I was sad and slightly grumpy.
Yesterday, I wanted to cry and to stomp my feet and throw a 2 year old style temper tantrum. It's not fair. It's not easy. It's not my "ideal" to have to wait for so long. I don't want to. I want it to be done and I want it to be done now. When I told this to my aunt on the phone, she kinda laughed and said "Natalie, don't you think the Lord would smile at that and giggle? He understands, He created you with this passion". SO TRUE. It really reminded me that God can handle all my emotions. I can feel free to tell Him that I don't like this, because He understands. He isn't afraid of my hissy-fits and isn't going to "smite me" because I am grumpy at this situation. He loves me and He knows my heart...He knows that I'm sad and grumpy and frustrated and impatient. He knows I was struggling yesterday, in fact, He knew I was going to struggle before I even got up. I love the idea that He listened to my grumping with a smile on His face and understanding in His eyes. I like that He probably laughed when He said "Natalie, I understand...let me comfort you".
Yesterday was a struggle and I didn't really love it and I definitely don't want it to become something that happens more than "once in awhile" because it's not fun. BUT, I'm thankful that even in my temper tantrum mood, I know that I serve a God who understands and who isn't annoyed by me. I know that on my next "struggle day", He will be there - He already is there! - and that He will choose to comfort me that day too.
I also wanted to thank those of you who were not hesitant to offer kind words and prayers yesterday. I'm not a "attention seeking, dramatic Facebook post" kind of girl, that actually makes me kinda of crazy, so debated even mentioning it on there yesterday, but I do want to be honest about our journey and yesterday was hard. Thank you so much for your understanding and for your love. I'm so thankful for you.
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Adoption update, prayer request, and my net worth.
Update time! Our case worker, and two other people from our adoption agency just spent about 10 days in Ethiopia - talking to government officials, snuggling babies, and getting some information on the state of international adoptions. They said the trip was informational - they confirmed that international adoptions were not being stopped (good news!) and they learned more about the country's desire to keep as many children in country as possible. (Which, we do understand). They hope that the rate of placements will increase, but still except slower referrals than this time last year. So, all of this we knew and were excepting. And unless we hear differently from the Lord, this is the path that we are going to continue to travel. :-)
Prayer Request time! We just finished and sent in our application to Lifesong. Lifesong does grants, loans, and helps fund-raise for adoptive families. They also set up tax deductible accounts for adoptive families so that when people donate, they can get tax deductions for their kindness. Our church has a Lifesong account already set up and once our application is sent to them, it should be all set - so please pray that it processes quickly and smoothly! Specifically, please pray that it's processed before the end of 2014.
My net worth. So on all these forms and applications, we have to divulge all our financial information. They always ask for "net worth". It got me thinking about what I'm actually worth. If you write it down on paper, I'm not worth much at all...we don't own expensive things and choose to try to live a humble and simple life. But my "worth" is something that got me thinking...I'm realizing that I sometimes try and find my worth in places that I won't ever find it. I try and find my worth as a wife, as a daughter, as a sister, as friend, an employee, or whatever. I even try to find it in being a future Mommy. I try and find full satisfaction in these areas and base my self worth at how well I preform in these areas of life. I find them becoming "who I am".
Now, I don't think it's wrong to use those words to describe the roles I play in life, because I AM a wife, a daughter, a sister, and a future Mommy and I love that and am so grateful those relationships...but I'm also so more than that. If I expect these roles to give me self confidence and "complete" me, I'm going to be so disappointed. And really, I'm asking a lot of the people in those roles opposite of me...I cannot expect them to fully satisfy me and make me feel whole. If I'm waiting on these people and in these situations to feel satisfied and whole, I'm going to be real disappointed. That's a lot of unnecessary pressure to put on those other people.
I have to remind myself that my worth doesn't come from anyone else. I'm not defined by how good of a wife I am. It truly doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of me. It doesn't matter if I'm doing what everyone else thinks I should be doing. I am not owned by those things. My worth comes from God. My worth comes from the fact that He calls me His own. It comes from being loved by Him and forgiven by Him. I can define myself as a wife (or daughter, sister, mommy, friend, employee) that loves Jesus. I want my life to show Him...not Mike, my parents, my sister, or whoever. Because, that's Who I'm living for - not anyone else. I find that realizing this, I can give myself more grace in my relationships. When my focus is on loving like Jesus does, I love other people better. I am also finding that I put less pressure on other people to make me feel the way I think they should. So, it's like a win-win situation.
Happy Wednesday to you. Thanks for your love and support and your prayers. Mike and I cherish you all so much. <3
Prayer Request time! We just finished and sent in our application to Lifesong. Lifesong does grants, loans, and helps fund-raise for adoptive families. They also set up tax deductible accounts for adoptive families so that when people donate, they can get tax deductions for their kindness. Our church has a Lifesong account already set up and once our application is sent to them, it should be all set - so please pray that it processes quickly and smoothly! Specifically, please pray that it's processed before the end of 2014.
My net worth. So on all these forms and applications, we have to divulge all our financial information. They always ask for "net worth". It got me thinking about what I'm actually worth. If you write it down on paper, I'm not worth much at all...we don't own expensive things and choose to try to live a humble and simple life. But my "worth" is something that got me thinking...I'm realizing that I sometimes try and find my worth in places that I won't ever find it. I try and find my worth as a wife, as a daughter, as a sister, as friend, an employee, or whatever. I even try to find it in being a future Mommy. I try and find full satisfaction in these areas and base my self worth at how well I preform in these areas of life. I find them becoming "who I am".
Now, I don't think it's wrong to use those words to describe the roles I play in life, because I AM a wife, a daughter, a sister, and a future Mommy and I love that and am so grateful those relationships...but I'm also so more than that. If I expect these roles to give me self confidence and "complete" me, I'm going to be so disappointed. And really, I'm asking a lot of the people in those roles opposite of me...I cannot expect them to fully satisfy me and make me feel whole. If I'm waiting on these people and in these situations to feel satisfied and whole, I'm going to be real disappointed. That's a lot of unnecessary pressure to put on those other people.
I have to remind myself that my worth doesn't come from anyone else. I'm not defined by how good of a wife I am. It truly doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of me. It doesn't matter if I'm doing what everyone else thinks I should be doing. I am not owned by those things. My worth comes from God. My worth comes from the fact that He calls me His own. It comes from being loved by Him and forgiven by Him. I can define myself as a wife (or daughter, sister, mommy, friend, employee) that loves Jesus. I want my life to show Him...not Mike, my parents, my sister, or whoever. Because, that's Who I'm living for - not anyone else. I find that realizing this, I can give myself more grace in my relationships. When my focus is on loving like Jesus does, I love other people better. I am also finding that I put less pressure on other people to make me feel the way I think they should. So, it's like a win-win situation.
Happy Wednesday to you. Thanks for your love and support and your prayers. Mike and I cherish you all so much. <3
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Joy - for Christmas and for always.
Okay, so confession: I'm totally watching a Hallmark Christmas movie on Netflix while typing this. I know there are the "no Christmas before Thanksgiving Scrooges" *ah hem, my husband* out there that are going to roll their eyes, but I don't even care. The commercialization of Christmas could start in July and I would love it - more Christmas time for me! I could live in the Christmas section of Hobby Lobby right now.
So actually, this whole "Christmas spirit" thing actually ties into what has been on my heart lately: joy. I think that sometimes, I choose to let myself look at the negative aspects of what's going on around me. Letting myself focus on the dust that is showing on my window sill, instead of realizing that the dust shows because the sun is shining so brightly through the glass. I look out at our garden and think "ugh, so much to pull up now that it's getting colder" instead of realizing that our garden was amazing this year and all of that "stuff to pull up" means that we had so much fresh veggies this year that we were giving it away! I believe joy is something I can choose...and unfortunately, I don't think I always do a very good job at realizing that.
Here's what has been on my heart with this lately. I think choosing joy is actually a form of worship. I had a youth pastor say once that "worship is letting God know how awesome He is and how much we need Him" (I can't remember who actually said that, so if you're one of my former youth pastors and that was you, thank you!). I believe that we can choose to focus on the "bummer" parts of life and let that rule our thoughts, attitudes, and hearts - OR we can make the choice to focus on the joy in life. The Bible says this:
Granted sometimes, finding joy is really hard..almost impossible. And sometimes it seems wrong to look for joy in a situation, that our hearts are so broken that it seems joy will never be possible again. Sometimes to look for joy, can almost seem mean and calloused because of how painful a situation is. But, I don't think that the Lord is absent in those times. I believe He is still there, desiring joy for our hearts. King David says this:
So actually, this whole "Christmas spirit" thing actually ties into what has been on my heart lately: joy. I think that sometimes, I choose to let myself look at the negative aspects of what's going on around me. Letting myself focus on the dust that is showing on my window sill, instead of realizing that the dust shows because the sun is shining so brightly through the glass. I look out at our garden and think "ugh, so much to pull up now that it's getting colder" instead of realizing that our garden was amazing this year and all of that "stuff to pull up" means that we had so much fresh veggies this year that we were giving it away! I believe joy is something I can choose...and unfortunately, I don't think I always do a very good job at realizing that.
Here's what has been on my heart with this lately. I think choosing joy is actually a form of worship. I had a youth pastor say once that "worship is letting God know how awesome He is and how much we need Him" (I can't remember who actually said that, so if you're one of my former youth pastors and that was you, thank you!). I believe that we can choose to focus on the "bummer" parts of life and let that rule our thoughts, attitudes, and hearts - OR we can make the choice to focus on the joy in life. The Bible says this:
for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
(1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)
What really sticks out to me about that passage is the "this is God's will for you" part...He desires us to be joyful, and to be constant in prayer, and to be thankful. God doesn't want us to be miserable - He desires joy for our hearts. Why do we fight that? Granted sometimes, finding joy is really hard..almost impossible. And sometimes it seems wrong to look for joy in a situation, that our hearts are so broken that it seems joy will never be possible again. Sometimes to look for joy, can almost seem mean and calloused because of how painful a situation is. But, I don't think that the Lord is absent in those times. I believe He is still there, desiring joy for our hearts. King David says this:
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
(Psalm 23)
Life is happening and changing and moving and unpredictable...and I can't change what it throws at me. But I can choose to change my thoughts and my reactions. And I can choose to seek joy in all situations ("Be joyful always"). And I know that when joy is hard to find, my Father is not. He is always right there with me. ("Pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances"). I believe joy is a form of worship. It shows who God is ("for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus") and it shows how much I need Him. So today, I choose joy. I choose joy because it's easy to find the bad and "bummer" parts of life - anyone can do that and I don't want to just be anyone. I want to show the joy that I see to other people. I want our child to see that this time of waiting was full of joy in the anticipation of becoming a family of three. I want to live differently. Because I believe that's His will for me. And for you. And I believe that He wants to show you the joy He has for you.
"In Your presence, there is fullness of joy"
(Psalm 16:11)
Merry Christmas in October, friends. :-) I love you all.
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Why I love not catching fish when fishing.
Okay so this summer, Mike and I have taken up fishing. I used to fish with my dad and my grandpa when I was a little girl (alright let's be honest about it...they would bait the line, I would catch the fish, and then one of them would take if off the line. And if I wasn't catching anything, I was talking or walking around the boat, so neither of them could catch anything, haha.) Anyway, Mike and I bought poles this year and have taken up fishing.
We decided to go out to the lake last night and try to catch "the big one". We saw them jumping and the water was perfect, but neither of us had more than a little nibble on our lines. As we were walking back to the truck, I was telling Mike how much I loved fishing, even if we didn't catch anything. In fact, I was glad we didn't catch anything (and not just because I'm still not sure how to fillet one properly). Let me try to explain the thoughts and feelings in my head about this...
Our lives are filled with things we need to "be on top of"...things we need to do, things we need to make sure happen, things we need to keep under control, and there is always something that has to be done. We live lives that demand our attention and we live in a world where we think we are the ones in control. But, that's not the case when it's just you and a fishing pole and a lake. As hard as I try, I cannot force a fish to bite. I cannot schedule a school of fish to swim by at a certain time and I am not the one who is responsible if we don't get a nibble.
Now, I know some may say "well you didn't use the right bait" or "you should have been at a different spot" or whatever, but the fact of the matter is...I don't have control over it. And it's actually so refreshing.
The simple (and sometimes frustrating) act of NOT catching anything is just the reminder I needed. I don't have as much control over things as I would like to think that I do. And it's so amazing to give myself permission to acknowledge that. To give myself permission to take in the lake, and the sunset, and the great company that I get to share it with. To not miss the moment I'm in because I'm trying to force something else to happen. To be thankful for where I am and for what I'm doing and to not miss the simple beauty that is always around.
I didn't catch anything last night...but as it turns out, it was more beneficial than I thought. And I'm glad for the gift of realizing how much I have on the end of my fishing pole...even when there's not a fish there. :-)
We decided to go out to the lake last night and try to catch "the big one". We saw them jumping and the water was perfect, but neither of us had more than a little nibble on our lines. As we were walking back to the truck, I was telling Mike how much I loved fishing, even if we didn't catch anything. In fact, I was glad we didn't catch anything (and not just because I'm still not sure how to fillet one properly). Let me try to explain the thoughts and feelings in my head about this...
Our lives are filled with things we need to "be on top of"...things we need to do, things we need to make sure happen, things we need to keep under control, and there is always something that has to be done. We live lives that demand our attention and we live in a world where we think we are the ones in control. But, that's not the case when it's just you and a fishing pole and a lake. As hard as I try, I cannot force a fish to bite. I cannot schedule a school of fish to swim by at a certain time and I am not the one who is responsible if we don't get a nibble.
Now, I know some may say "well you didn't use the right bait" or "you should have been at a different spot" or whatever, but the fact of the matter is...I don't have control over it. And it's actually so refreshing.
The simple (and sometimes frustrating) act of NOT catching anything is just the reminder I needed. I don't have as much control over things as I would like to think that I do. And it's so amazing to give myself permission to acknowledge that. To give myself permission to take in the lake, and the sunset, and the great company that I get to share it with. To not miss the moment I'm in because I'm trying to force something else to happen. To be thankful for where I am and for what I'm doing and to not miss the simple beauty that is always around.
I didn't catch anything last night...but as it turns out, it was more beneficial than I thought. And I'm glad for the gift of realizing how much I have on the end of my fishing pole...even when there's not a fish there. :-)
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