Prayer requested...

I had another posting in here, but needed to update...

We got an email today from our adoption agency, clarifying some information that has been circulating about Ethiopian adoptions: things may be changing, thus making the process of adoption longer for parents/families. 

Adoption isn't promised to work the same for each family - Mike and I know this. It's not a guaranteed process with definite outcomes. But, Mike and I also know that we are not the ones in control of this. I was reminded of this as I read the email. 

I got the email and asked for prayer from many of you. I felt pretty peaceful, actually, as I got texts from you. But, then the lies of the evil one started to creep in: "It's not going to work", "You might as well give up" "You were foolish to think this would actually happen." As I started a load of laundry, I found myself on my knees in the kitchen (holding a pair of dirty jeans, no less) and in tears. It was scary and so sad...those lies made me feel so alone. 

Before I started the laundry, I had changed my iTunes station to a Christian one, asking it to play songs like Rich Mullins. And as I knelt in the kitchen, I heard "Above All" (Michael W. Smith) start to play...and as I asked the Lord to speak to my heart and tell me true things and telling Him of how much I desire to be a mommy, I heard this line "Crucified, laid behind the stone..." and the Lord said "I moved that stone, Natalie and I conquered death...I can move mountains, and the sea...I am in control". 

I cried more, but not tears of fear and sadness...tears of a girl whose Daddy just picked her up and gave her a hug. 
 
Friends, please pray...pray for peace, and for the process, and for His will to continue to be done. If you know of anyone who has adopted from Ethiopia, please ask them to share their positive experiences here: contactinfo@ethiostork.org or at ethiostork.ethiopianadoptionresources@facebook.com. 

He's on His throne and in control and He is so loving and good...thank you for being on this journey with us.

waiting and preparing

In early November, Natalie and I put up our Christmas lights.  Around Thanksgiving we put up our Christmas tree and other Christmas decorations.  After that we start to listen to more Christmas music (yes more because Natalie starts listening to Christmas music in early November).  We start to drive around Holland to look at the lights and Christmas decorations that others have put up.  We watch Christmas movies.  We wait for snow to fall and make everything look like Christmas.  We go to Christmas parties, we go to Christmas events downtown.  We buy gifts for our families.  All in anxious preparation of the season.  The Christmas season is a time of waiting and preparation.

I can't help but think it is the same for Natalie and I right now in the adoption process.  We are waiting and preparing.  Preparing and waiting.  Waiting for a child to join our family.  I have to admit that the waiting is hard, I am not a patient person.  I like things to happen on my time, when I want them to happen.  I am like the kid who can't wait to open up his Christmas gift.  Yet this is a season of waiting and preparing.  My tendency is to want to rush through it and get to the end.  However, I want to slow down and enjoy this season.  Much like I did with the Christmas season this year.  I am seeking to enjoy the waiting and preparing. 

Peace on earth....and in our home-study.

We had our first home-study this past Thursday! I want to tell you all about it! (PS: as I write this, I keep getting distracted by the different Christmas-y things of our house...lights twinkling causing the different glittery decorations to catch my eye, candles giving off amazing cinnamon/sugar/pine sent, and the view outside the windows is one of snow covered tree branches. It's like a Christmas card. This post could take me awhile to write at this pace!)

So now that I have acknowledged the beauty of Christmas around me, and as I try to focus on the computer screen, on to the topic that you came to read about!

Before the first home study, our adoption agency asked us to fill out a questionnaire so that they knew a little bit about us before we sat down with her. (Side note, not about Christmas, only one of our three home studies will be done in our home...the rest are done at the adoption agency. These are more so that they can get to know Mike and I.) That being said, the questionnaire didn't ask questions about our home, it asked questions about us. They asked about our childhoods, our dating relationships, our marriage, our goals and dreams, how we resolve issues, what we do in our free time...pretty much everything and anything was asked. 

I kinda freaked out after I looked at the questionnaire the first time. ("Kinda" means "totally did").  It scared me to think about being so honest with my whole life and I was pretty sure they were going to find a reason to tell us "no". But, through beautiful friends, my amazing husband, and a quote from one of my favorite books, I was reminded that we are called to be faithful and that this whole journey is to show how great our God is. 

After sending in our questionnaires, we had a few days until we met with our case worker to talk about them. I had expected to be nervous, but I wasn't. I expected to be consumed with the same lies that freaked me out earlier, but I wasn't. I expected to not sleep, but I did. The day of the home study, I expected to be nervously cleaning and to be edgy...I wasn't. I was completely peaceful. I like to prepare and to know what's going to happen (as you all well know), but I was totally at peace that we're right where we should be and that He is glorified through the telling of our stories. He was asking me to rest in Him, and I'm so glad I did. 

The home study went great. Our caseworker seems kind and I know she has been hand picked by the Lord to play this part in our journey. We talked, told our stories, and were able to talk out loud about being a family of three. Neither of us felt nervous, and I am so confident that that calm spirit was nothing but God. 

Peace on earth...and in my heart...and in this process. The Christmas season is filled with joy, hope, peace, love, warmth...and these are all things that I feel and know in my innermost being. The next home study is for the end of January and thinking about it doesn't freak me out...I'm excited to continue the process and take another step towards our child. One more step closer to being able to meet them, and touch their face, and hold their hand, and give them our last name. That thought is the best Christmas gift ever. <3

I had a birthday

Yesterday was my birthday. It was a day full of birthday wishes, and snow, and chocolate cake - just the way I like it! If you ask me how old I now am, I will probably tell you 29. In reality, I'm 31. (Don't tell anyone). 

When I was in my late teenaged years, I figured out my life's plan. (I was a very wise and knowing teenager, as all teenagers are, of course). I figured out that I would go to college, meet the man of my dreams, get married by 23, and start growing our family by 25. I would say "I want to have at least a year of just me and my husband before we have children.". Well, I actually did end up meeting the man of my dreams in college and we were married when I was 23. (So far so good, right? I thought I had it all figured out and I was really happy that the Lord was going along with what I had decided) When I turned 25, I realized that my "plan" wasn't going to continue to go as I had decided it would. Mike and I were NOT ready to be parents yet, we were still figuring out what it meant to be a married couple. I was starting to think that my hope of adopting wasn't going to ever happen because we weren't exactly swimming in pool of gold coins, so we started "trying" (that's as far as I'm going with that, you all know what it means). We didn't get pregnant and neither of us were willing to take any medical means to make it happen, because it just didn't feel right. We looked into a few more options about domestic adoption and foster care, nothing seemed to be right about that either. By the time I was 27, I was pretty angry. "God, don't you remember what we decided about? College, wedding, family - you're not holding up your end of the deal". It wasn't an easy time for me or for Mike.

As I seem to often do, I look back with so much gratitude in my heart and am filled with so much humility that the Lord is Who He is, and that He continued to work His plan, in spite of my temper tantrums and my tears. I am so thankful that He gave Mike and I more time to meld together as husband and wife. I am so thankful that He has brought us both to a place where we have soul-filling jobs, gave us friends and family who are also walking down the path of adoption, brought us to a little town that we love to come home to, and to a place of peace in our hearts where we know He isn't mean and withholding things from us just for the heck of it. He knew who He had planned for us to be parents to, and that sweet little face wasn't around yet.

Chances are, from the very beginning to end, when we are home with our little one, our adoption process could be 18-24 months. That's a long time. But, when I start to get anxious and impatient, I remind myself that He knows who our baby is...He planned our family out before I decided my life's plan at the ripe old age of 17. He picked us to be parents to the most precious little soul...and it will happen as it is supposed to happen...as it has been all long.  

So here's to 31 29: a year with endless possibilities and chances to be filled with hope, peace, wild times, and beautiful scenery.

 "Heart of my own heart, whatever befall....still be my vision, oh ruler of all"

Thanksgiving

I'm enjoying a quiet morning....Mike's still asleep, coffee is brewing, and the street outside our house is unusually still. Yesterday was Thanksgiving and it's like the world is either recovering from the festivities or sleeping from being up all hours of the night shopping. (I apparently am doing neither, haha)

So, Thanksgiving. We spent the morning at home, Mike making breakfast and me watching the Detroit Thanksgiving Parade...it's really a wonder that he got anything done because I kept calling him into the room to watch "this" or "look at that!".  Then we spent the rest of the day with different sides of the family, eating turkey, catching up, and goofing off.  It was a pretty calm holiday. 

As people do, they asked about our adoption process. I'm not going to lie, I could talk about it all day long. I love to answer questions and tell about how everything has come together and how we are excited to watch the Lord continue to form our family from a couple, to a family of three...a daddy, a mommy and our baby. I don't mind sharing things I'm nervous about right now (I say "right now" because you all know there will probably come a post later on in this process about how I've been silently worrying about something and how the Lord has calmed my nerves and once again reminded me that He's the One in control). I like to tell people "what's next" in the process...it's reminds me that it's all real and starting to happen.

I'm thankful in a way that I haven't been before...I'm thankful to be on this ride, not knowing when the next turn will happen, but knowing that it's where I'm supposed to be. I'm thankful for people who have been there - "veterans" who share their stories with me and the kindred spirits that I find in those people - talking to someone who exactly speaks the language my heart is speaking about adoption, and knows what I'm feeling is incredible. I'm thankful for people who are on the same journey, who  can share the frustrations and the questions. I'm thankful for the people who ask and who are excited to watch our family grow. I'm even thankful for the people who don't understand it at all and say things like "well, maybe you'll get lucky and won't have to adopt, those kids can be real messed up" because it reaffirms to me that I LOVE adoption. I am so thrilled to be on this journey...honestly, not wanting to be doing anything else. (Side note, after hearing that last comment, my first reaction wasn't thankfulness, it was to try and not start a rant about how "vaginal kids" can be "messed up" too. Pray for grace for my words...I'm learning.)

It was a different Thanksgiving for me and I loved it. I am so excited for when Thanksgiving will include remembering the bib, or Cheerios, or chasing a little one around and keeping them from sticking their fingers in everyone's food. I'm excited for the first Thanksgiving when we can be holding our child while we pray around the table...hugging an example of God's faithfulness and goodness. I'm so thankful for that day...and I'm thankful for today. Happy Thanksgiving, friends. We love you all.

To my sweet child...

Facebook has been hot with the trend of people making a list of a number of random facts about themselves. It got me thinking of things that I want our child to know about us and things that I hope for them. So here's what I have so far:

• You were not born by chance. You were born with a purpose and were created perfectly. 
• I have been dreaming about being your mom since I was a little girl. This does not mean that I will be a perfect mom who has everything together, but it does mean that you are a dream come true for me.  
• I will ALWAYS hug and kiss you. So will your daddy. Just go with it because it's not going to stop.
• Christmas decorations will go up early and stay up past New Years...I hope you like the holidays!!
• It's okay to be who you are - in fact, I want that for you. Embrace the little quirks and what makes you different from everyone else - these things are what make you special.
• I'm already praying for whoever it is that you will marry. 
• If there is one thing that I want for your life, it's that you love the Lord more than anything else. He is the only thing in life that will satisfy your soul. 
• Dance parties are not only fun, but sometimes they are necessary to clear your head.
• I want you to know that no matter what you're going through, I will be here to listen to you. 
• Life isn't always going to be fun and easy. It's going to hurt sometimes and sometimes you will want to give up. But, it's worth fighting for. 
• You won't always have control of what happens to you, but you can choose how you react to it. 
• Negativity is a sickness that will eat your soul - don't let yourself catch it. 
• Sometimes, we'll have movie marathons and stay in pajamas all day long. It's okay to relax. Don't feel bad about saying that you need a break and time to rest.
• It's okay to cry when you're sad. Crying doesn't mean weakness. 
• Your daddy and I will always love you - no matter what. 
• We're allergic to cats and some dogs, I'm so sorry, but you will never have a pet with fur.
• You will also never have a snake for a pet. I'm not sorry about that one. 
• Christians aren't going to always treat you like they should - don't judge Christ by Christians that you see. We are ALL saved by grace. 
• If you need help with math...or history...or science, ask your dad. I'm not going to be of much help.
• Don't be mean...even if everyone else is. Remember that every person you see was created by God. Stand up for injustice. 
• We celebrate life in our family.

I love you so much, sweet baby...the fact that you are waiting for us at the end of this journey, makes everything worth it.

Where He leads, I will follow...

I realize this is an awkward time to post and update, but I had the time to sit and write and wanted to make sure that I got it all in here.  (By the way, if you are singing the theme song to "Gilmore Girls" because of the title to this post, know that I am too...you're welcome) :-)

This past week, Mike and I encountered a bump in the road that we were definitely not expecting and we were reminded (once again) that we are not the ones driving this train. We filled out and submitted the application and home study questionnaire on Orphan Sunday. As we were signing the final "e-signature" (little side note about that, there is NO WAY to make a pretty e-signature if you're using the mouse pad on the computer...my signature on our initial documents look worse than my writing in 4th grade when I was first learning cursive!) and before I hit the "save and submit" button, I just prayed that the Lord would continue to lead and guide us, and that He would be in every step we took. We submitted everything and said that we would bring them the initial payments on Thursday morning.

Wednesday afternoon, I got an email from our agency saying that because of the high number of parents interested in adopting from Africa, they were not accepting any new applications until later notice. Being that we had submitted everything, but had not yet paid, I wasn't sure where that left us in the process. So we prayed and wrote an e-mail back, asking about our status, being hopeful but preparing ourselves. The waiting that next day was rough, and I realized that it was just the start of our waiting in this process. Our prayers that day were that the Lord would provide us with peace and with wisdom.

I finally heard back from the person in charge of the Africa program and she told us that since we had submitted everything when we did, we could keep progressing in our adoption. She also told us that because of the increase in interest, that our adoption was probably going to take longer than we had originally thought. But, we can keep going! Thank you, Lord...

So, if you were to use pregnancy terms in adoption, you would be able to saw that Mike and I are officially "expecting"! I just got back from making our initial payment to the adoption agency. Next will be the home-studies, which will take place over the next 2-3 months. After that, we hope to get involved with organizations that will let us set up an tax-deductible account and to also sign up for some grants.

Here's where I ask for prayer from you. Please pray for wisdom for Mike and I. The "bump" we experienced opened our eyes that the Lord may be leading us to open the specifics of our adoption. Whether it is a child with special needs, whether it is an older child...we honestly do not know. We know that, without a doubt, the Lord has a child for us and that he or she was created perfect, in His image. We know that we already love our child more than I ever thought was possible. We know that we want His will...we know that He will lead, He will provide, and that He will make His plan known to us when we need to know it. We know that nothing takes Him by surprise and that He loves us. These things we know...other than that, I've got nothing. I wish I could tell you how long it will take, how old our child will be, and other specifics...but those details are waiting to be discovered in this miracle that we're experiencing. Our story is already beautiful, and I know that it will continue to be so...He is good.

Next step: home studies...bring 'em on! ;-) Love you all.