Happy sunshine-y Sunday! Well, I guess depending on where you are, it may not be sunny (or Sunday) but here, it's so sunny and beautiful. I have all the blinds open and want so badly to open up the windows and get a breeze inside, but just because the sun is out, doesn't mean it's above freezing (which it definitely isn't)....open windows and blasting furnace doesn't really make a lot of sense to me right now. Maybe in a few weeks when it's not 25 degrees outside!
So this Thursday is our second (of three) home studies. The name "home study" is a little deceiving, because only the last of the three is here at our home. They want to know about the home that the child will be in - which is more about Mike and I, then it is about the actual walls and floors of our house. The first two are at our adoption agency. This particular home study involves Mike and I each filling out a questionnaire with a Procter in the room (so we can't talk about our answers) and then we will each talk to our case worker individually about our questionnaire answers. Our case worker says this one will take about 4 hours, from beginning to end.
Truthfully, I'm a little apprehensive about it. I tend to have test anxiety. And I know that this isn't a test, there really aren't any right or wrong answers - it's just going to be asking about my life, my dreams, my opinions, my goals...but, it still feels little "test like" to me. In college, Mike and I could study together for the same exam and I would know all the answers, and then we would talk about the questions after the exam was over and I would be able to again give all the correct answers...then we would get our grades and he would get an "A" and I would get a "D". I somehow develop amnesia while the exam is in front of me! It's insanely frustrating. And again, I know this isn't an exam and that they aren't looking for a certain answer, but it's still a little intimidating to me. I wish I could just blog for this one! (and now I'm laughing out loud because our poor case worker would have to put in major overtime to read everything!)
So I'm asking for your prayers...prayers for peace and calm, and prayers that the Lord will keep this joy in my heart, and squash any anxiety, while answering the questions so that my focus stays where it should. Thank you, friends! I will, of course, let you all know how it goes. Much love.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Checking things off the list!
Last night we had "GATE" training (and in case you're wondering, "GATE" does not stand for "Gather All The Education", it stands for "Grief/Loss, Attachment and Trans-racial Education...I was wrong with my guess for what the letters all stood for, but at least I had one word right!).
On our drive there, I told Mike that I was excited to meet other people who, for the most part, are at the same point of the adoption process as we are. In order to have the third home-study, each couple has to take this GATE training, so every couple there was (for the most part) at the same point as we are (which is, ready to have the second home-study) (I feel like I'm using parenthesis a lot in this entry!) (For good measure). I digress. We know a few different couples who are adopting - but no one who is at the same point as us, so I was excited for this training.
I have really enjoyed how God has orchestrated this so far...I can honestly sit back with a smile on my face and count the different ways that He has provided encouragement to us. Most of the time, it is in ways that I NEVER would have imagined. Through people who are so amazingly, perfectly placed that there is no other way it would have worked out except by Him. Some examples: the epic garage sale was one of the most difficult and exhausting weekends I can remember, but through that, I have made some friendships that I cannot imagine not having. People who have been so generous with giving to us and each time, it comes when I am feeling so scared because I just cannot see how it is all going to work together. Friends who, at the perfect moment of feeling over my head, send me a note, or text, or message, to let me know that they are praying for us and for our child. Each of you play a beautiful role in this story..."it takes a village", takes on a whole new meaning for me! So many people pouring out love to Mike and I, and to our sweet babe. I feel like I shouldn't be surprised at how He provides exactly what we need at the exact time we need it anymore, but I still am!
So, we got to our adoption agency last night and as soon as I walked into the room, I see my RA from my first year at Cornerstone and her husband. What?!? How cool is that?? They are also adopting from Ethiopia and are just finishing up their final home-study. God, You are the best. (I wish I could fist-pump God sometimes!) (Again with the parenthesis!)
The training was actually really helpful to us...each of us jotted down notes and had a lot to talk about on the way home. They really wanted all of us to take in the reality of what adoption is and what it means, and why it is. They noted that most people focus on "Adoption is so beautiful", which it is, but at the same time, it happens because of a tragedy. Our sweet baby will have gone through more than I could ever imagine by the time we bring them home...and then they will have to try and adjust themselves to a new place, with new people, new sounds, new smells, and a new life that they didn't choose to start over. It is so heart-breaking...but, as the case workers pointed out, there is beauty in redemption. While there is loss, there is gain...a daddy and a mommy who have been dreaming about getting to hold them, an extended family who can't wait to meet them, unconditional love, a chance for things that might not have been possible before. It was a little overwhelming, to be honest, and I am again reminded to daily lift up our child to the Lord. To pray for their safety, to pray for their health, to pray that they might know love from the moment of conception, that the Lord's gentle peace will speak to their little heart and soul from the beginning. I pray for their mama, daddy, and caregivers - that He would bless them and call their names. I think it would be so cool to all meet up one day in Heaven and celebrate life!
I am truly so humbled to be experiencing all that I am experiencing! To be called to walk along this road, to experience such peace and joy, to be shown so much love, and to have the honor of praying for the people who will be there in the beginning of our child's life. They will have a part in our child's story that I won't get to be there for, and I will never be able to express my thankfulness for them.
So we continue to check things off our list! Next step: second home-study!
On our drive there, I told Mike that I was excited to meet other people who, for the most part, are at the same point of the adoption process as we are. In order to have the third home-study, each couple has to take this GATE training, so every couple there was (for the most part) at the same point as we are (which is, ready to have the second home-study) (I feel like I'm using parenthesis a lot in this entry!) (For good measure). I digress. We know a few different couples who are adopting - but no one who is at the same point as us, so I was excited for this training.
I have really enjoyed how God has orchestrated this so far...I can honestly sit back with a smile on my face and count the different ways that He has provided encouragement to us. Most of the time, it is in ways that I NEVER would have imagined. Through people who are so amazingly, perfectly placed that there is no other way it would have worked out except by Him. Some examples: the epic garage sale was one of the most difficult and exhausting weekends I can remember, but through that, I have made some friendships that I cannot imagine not having. People who have been so generous with giving to us and each time, it comes when I am feeling so scared because I just cannot see how it is all going to work together. Friends who, at the perfect moment of feeling over my head, send me a note, or text, or message, to let me know that they are praying for us and for our child. Each of you play a beautiful role in this story..."it takes a village", takes on a whole new meaning for me! So many people pouring out love to Mike and I, and to our sweet babe. I feel like I shouldn't be surprised at how He provides exactly what we need at the exact time we need it anymore, but I still am!
So, we got to our adoption agency last night and as soon as I walked into the room, I see my RA from my first year at Cornerstone and her husband. What?!? How cool is that?? They are also adopting from Ethiopia and are just finishing up their final home-study. God, You are the best. (I wish I could fist-pump God sometimes!) (Again with the parenthesis!)
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap
or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you
not much more valuable than they?
(Matthew 6:26)
The training was actually really helpful to us...each of us jotted down notes and had a lot to talk about on the way home. They really wanted all of us to take in the reality of what adoption is and what it means, and why it is. They noted that most people focus on "Adoption is so beautiful", which it is, but at the same time, it happens because of a tragedy. Our sweet baby will have gone through more than I could ever imagine by the time we bring them home...and then they will have to try and adjust themselves to a new place, with new people, new sounds, new smells, and a new life that they didn't choose to start over. It is so heart-breaking...but, as the case workers pointed out, there is beauty in redemption. While there is loss, there is gain...a daddy and a mommy who have been dreaming about getting to hold them, an extended family who can't wait to meet them, unconditional love, a chance for things that might not have been possible before. It was a little overwhelming, to be honest, and I am again reminded to daily lift up our child to the Lord. To pray for their safety, to pray for their health, to pray that they might know love from the moment of conception, that the Lord's gentle peace will speak to their little heart and soul from the beginning. I pray for their mama, daddy, and caregivers - that He would bless them and call their names. I think it would be so cool to all meet up one day in Heaven and celebrate life!
I am truly so humbled to be experiencing all that I am experiencing! To be called to walk along this road, to experience such peace and joy, to be shown so much love, and to have the honor of praying for the people who will be there in the beginning of our child's life. They will have a part in our child's story that I won't get to be there for, and I will never be able to express my thankfulness for them.
So we continue to check things off our list! Next step: second home-study!
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
It's time for an celebration update on our "Wee VanDrie"!
Mike and I are currently back in our favorite coffee house, and I am drinking the cutest mocha ever...it's a Valentine's themed one, raspberry, blackberry, and chocolate, and it has pink whipped cream and red sprinkles. Seriously? So cute.
It's been almost a month since I last wrote in here and boy, do I have an update for you! We got the news last week, that Ethiopia announced that they were NOT planning on limiting or stopping adoptions from their country. You guys, the joy that filled my soul when I read that email was out of this world. I immediately started crying and texting! My hands were shaking so much that I had a really hard time texting the right words (and auto-correct wasn't helpful at all). The Lord answered our prayers and the doors to Ethiopia were not closing. Even now, as I sit here with my cute coffee, I get teary eyed over how wonderful it is. We have a training class next week, and got a few major items crossed off our "to do" list this week. It is an extremely satisfying feeling. With each task we do, I feel the love for our sweet child grow. How is it possible to love a little soul so much?? I have no idea what they will look like, I have no idea how old they will be, I have no idea when I will get to hold them in my arms...but, let me tell you what...I would do ANYTHING for this child. I get so excited thinking about them and dreaming about being a family of three - Daddy, Mommy, and our little one.
Experiencing such joy has been so wonderful...but it has also brought me to the realization that not everyone knows how to share joy. For the most part (the majority!), people have rejoiced with us. However, we have come across people who seem to find it important to remind us that everything can change in an instant - that our joy could be false and short lived. For example this conversation: "We just found out that Ethiopia isn't planning on limiting or closing adoptions!" and getting this response "Well that's good for now, but don't get too excited because nothing is certain and it could always change.". Or telling someone we are adopting and then immediately having to listen to a nightmare adoption story that they have heard. I know I'm not alone in this experience, because if you to just listen in on a conversation, you would probably hear something along the same lines. Well-meaning people who might be just trying to relate to whatever topic is at hand, but who end up taking a little piece of the other person's joy and happiness. And to be honest, I know that I am guilty of doing this exact thing - not wanting the other person to be hurt or disappointed if something doesn't work out, or even out of jealously at whatever news they are sharing. I'm so sorry about that...truly, from the depths of my soul, I'm so sorry. Because, sharing joy with someone is something so beautiful. I could not wait to tell you guys about our news...I enjoy sharing this part of our life with you and having you all walk alongside of us. And getting to share the joy of friends is also beautiful and wonderful. And hearing a "debbie downer" response is a little crushing.
I have been really reminded to experience THIS joy. Yes, everything could change as soon as I hit the "publish" button and the next entry you read could be written with tears and a broken heart, it's happened before...but, right now, in this entry, I'm happy. I'm excited. I'm going to choose to live out THIS blessing, and celebrate THIS victory. He has blessed us with this answer to prayer and that is worth celebrating!!
Mike and I live with the knowledge that He is in control. We desire that our lives show Him, and I do not believe that I would be showing you how beautiful and wonderful life with Him is, if I never celebrate and I never share my joy with you. Pessimism is often given the name of "realism", and in that, we lose any light or miss the miraculouness in the experiences that we have. This is not to say that we shouldn't share in each others grief and sadness, but I feel like we are more comfortable sharing in the hard times with people than we are in celebrating.
I have really had my eyes opened to so many different things since we started our adoption journey, and I'm so thankful, even though the self-realization sometimes is more humbling than I care for. This past week, I have been reminded to celebrate with other people, to be joyful, to not think about the "what ifs" immediately after hearing good news, and to be thankful when prayers are answered. He is good...in all situations, He is good. Let's celebrate. :-)
It's been almost a month since I last wrote in here and boy, do I have an update for you! We got the news last week, that Ethiopia announced that they were NOT planning on limiting or stopping adoptions from their country. You guys, the joy that filled my soul when I read that email was out of this world. I immediately started crying and texting! My hands were shaking so much that I had a really hard time texting the right words (and auto-correct wasn't helpful at all). The Lord answered our prayers and the doors to Ethiopia were not closing. Even now, as I sit here with my cute coffee, I get teary eyed over how wonderful it is. We have a training class next week, and got a few major items crossed off our "to do" list this week. It is an extremely satisfying feeling. With each task we do, I feel the love for our sweet child grow. How is it possible to love a little soul so much?? I have no idea what they will look like, I have no idea how old they will be, I have no idea when I will get to hold them in my arms...but, let me tell you what...I would do ANYTHING for this child. I get so excited thinking about them and dreaming about being a family of three - Daddy, Mommy, and our little one.
Experiencing such joy has been so wonderful...but it has also brought me to the realization that not everyone knows how to share joy. For the most part (the majority!), people have rejoiced with us. However, we have come across people who seem to find it important to remind us that everything can change in an instant - that our joy could be false and short lived. For example this conversation: "We just found out that Ethiopia isn't planning on limiting or closing adoptions!" and getting this response "Well that's good for now, but don't get too excited because nothing is certain and it could always change.". Or telling someone we are adopting and then immediately having to listen to a nightmare adoption story that they have heard. I know I'm not alone in this experience, because if you to just listen in on a conversation, you would probably hear something along the same lines. Well-meaning people who might be just trying to relate to whatever topic is at hand, but who end up taking a little piece of the other person's joy and happiness. And to be honest, I know that I am guilty of doing this exact thing - not wanting the other person to be hurt or disappointed if something doesn't work out, or even out of jealously at whatever news they are sharing. I'm so sorry about that...truly, from the depths of my soul, I'm so sorry. Because, sharing joy with someone is something so beautiful. I could not wait to tell you guys about our news...I enjoy sharing this part of our life with you and having you all walk alongside of us. And getting to share the joy of friends is also beautiful and wonderful. And hearing a "debbie downer" response is a little crushing.
I have been really reminded to experience THIS joy. Yes, everything could change as soon as I hit the "publish" button and the next entry you read could be written with tears and a broken heart, it's happened before...but, right now, in this entry, I'm happy. I'm excited. I'm going to choose to live out THIS blessing, and celebrate THIS victory. He has blessed us with this answer to prayer and that is worth celebrating!!
Mike and I live with the knowledge that He is in control. We desire that our lives show Him, and I do not believe that I would be showing you how beautiful and wonderful life with Him is, if I never celebrate and I never share my joy with you. Pessimism is often given the name of "realism", and in that, we lose any light or miss the miraculouness in the experiences that we have. This is not to say that we shouldn't share in each others grief and sadness, but I feel like we are more comfortable sharing in the hard times with people than we are in celebrating.
I have really had my eyes opened to so many different things since we started our adoption journey, and I'm so thankful, even though the self-realization sometimes is more humbling than I care for. This past week, I have been reminded to celebrate with other people, to be joyful, to not think about the "what ifs" immediately after hearing good news, and to be thankful when prayers are answered. He is good...in all situations, He is good. Let's celebrate. :-)
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Wisdom and hope.
I think there is a huge difference in someone who is "smart" and someone who is "wise". While smartness comes from the brain or memory, wisdom seems to come from the heart...from a deep acknowledgment about what is true. My Grandpa was wise (I'm not saying that he wasn't smart, but his wisdom is something I will always cherish about my memories of him). He had a settled calmness, that seemed to radiate out of him and it could make even the most arrogant person stop talking and really listen to what he was saying. He wasn't pushy or loud with what he was saying, he was gentle and he was loving...with a peace and understanding that I can only dream about having.
One of my aunts shared a memory with me about my Grandpa. It was during the evening, close to Easter, and they were sitting in the living room and talking - she, Grandpa, Gramma, and Charity. He said these words: "We have a tendency to think of 'hope' as in relation to a wish. But it's not. It's where God offers us to live."
Those words, that sentence, that truth, has been dancing around in my head and my heart the past few days. To be honest with you, since my last update here, I have been doing my best to NOT think about our adoption. I have been making the choice to not really acknowledge it because I don't want to get my hopes up, and then be disappointed again. (Before I go on, let me just say that the country is not closing to adoptions...but things might be changing that extends the wait time for families who are adopting from Ethiopia. Our adoption agency has said that while they have no new news yet, they are recommending that everyone continue on.) However, even with the knowledge that we are to continue on as we were, I found myself closing my heart a little. No one likes a broken heart and I found myself deciding to close down in case something changed.
When someone would ask about what was going on, I would almost always say these words "I hope it all works out, we'll see". "Hope"...as in relation to a wish. "I hope so!" I might as well have been crossing my fingers or carrying a rabbits foot or not stepping on a crack or steering clear of black cats who might try and walk in front of me. But as I was running errands last week, the Lord brought Grandpa's wisdom to my mind...it was almost like I could see it. "Hope is where God offers us to live."
Real hope is different that what I had been portraying. Hope is not a wish, it is a place where the Lord offers us to live...to stay...to be. Hope is a place where I acknowledge that what I want may not happen, but where I realize that He is lovingly in control. The Lord is offering me to live in a place of calmness, not in a place of waiting for the other shoe to drop, bag in hand and ready to run.
The Lord asked me then "Natalie, do you have hope?" and my first thought was "Yeah God, of course - duh". But then, He gently reminding me of where my heart was - I was choosing to put our adoption in the back of my mind...my frame of mind was "I'm not going to get my hopes up". UGH...okay, maybe not so much God. "Natalie...I'm offering you real hope - true hope...not a wish"
I just sat there, in the car, for a few minutes after the realization of where my heart had been. (ps: one of the most amazing things about God, is that when He reveals where my heart has been, He doesn't say "Haha, now just sit there and think about what you've been doing wrong, you jerk", He says "I love you, let's keep going") Just as I chose to not think about our adoption, I am now going to choose to remember what He showed me.
I'm choosing to have hope. Real hope. I'm not wishing about wishes that everything works out the way I want it too. I'm choosing to live in hope, even when I don't feel like and when it would be "easier" to worry about things. (Which, can be pretty often). I'm choosing to remind myself to let Him speak to my heart and remind me that He has put this passion in our lives for a reason and that He isn't a mean God who gives us passions and then leaves us hanging. He offers real hope to us...a place to stay forever. That's where I want to stay.
I promise to keep you all updated when we find out if anything is changing. But, until then, we're going to keep on going! Please remember us in your prayers...please pray for us to remember what is true. Please pray for the Lord to keep providing all we do need and will need...and please pray for the country of Ethiopia, as they discuss and talk. Thank you, friends...we love you.
One of my aunts shared a memory with me about my Grandpa. It was during the evening, close to Easter, and they were sitting in the living room and talking - she, Grandpa, Gramma, and Charity. He said these words: "We have a tendency to think of 'hope' as in relation to a wish. But it's not. It's where God offers us to live."
Those words, that sentence, that truth, has been dancing around in my head and my heart the past few days. To be honest with you, since my last update here, I have been doing my best to NOT think about our adoption. I have been making the choice to not really acknowledge it because I don't want to get my hopes up, and then be disappointed again. (Before I go on, let me just say that the country is not closing to adoptions...but things might be changing that extends the wait time for families who are adopting from Ethiopia. Our adoption agency has said that while they have no new news yet, they are recommending that everyone continue on.) However, even with the knowledge that we are to continue on as we were, I found myself closing my heart a little. No one likes a broken heart and I found myself deciding to close down in case something changed.
When someone would ask about what was going on, I would almost always say these words "I hope it all works out, we'll see". "Hope"...as in relation to a wish. "I hope so!" I might as well have been crossing my fingers or carrying a rabbits foot or not stepping on a crack or steering clear of black cats who might try and walk in front of me. But as I was running errands last week, the Lord brought Grandpa's wisdom to my mind...it was almost like I could see it. "Hope is where God offers us to live."
Real hope is different that what I had been portraying. Hope is not a wish, it is a place where the Lord offers us to live...to stay...to be. Hope is a place where I acknowledge that what I want may not happen, but where I realize that He is lovingly in control. The Lord is offering me to live in a place of calmness, not in a place of waiting for the other shoe to drop, bag in hand and ready to run.
The Lord asked me then "Natalie, do you have hope?" and my first thought was "Yeah God, of course - duh". But then, He gently reminding me of where my heart was - I was choosing to put our adoption in the back of my mind...my frame of mind was "I'm not going to get my hopes up". UGH...okay, maybe not so much God. "Natalie...I'm offering you real hope - true hope...not a wish"
I just sat there, in the car, for a few minutes after the realization of where my heart had been. (ps: one of the most amazing things about God, is that when He reveals where my heart has been, He doesn't say "Haha, now just sit there and think about what you've been doing wrong, you jerk", He says "I love you, let's keep going") Just as I chose to not think about our adoption, I am now going to choose to remember what He showed me.
I'm choosing to have hope. Real hope. I'm not wishing about wishes that everything works out the way I want it too. I'm choosing to live in hope, even when I don't feel like and when it would be "easier" to worry about things. (Which, can be pretty often). I'm choosing to remind myself to let Him speak to my heart and remind me that He has put this passion in our lives for a reason and that He isn't a mean God who gives us passions and then leaves us hanging. He offers real hope to us...a place to stay forever. That's where I want to stay.
I promise to keep you all updated when we find out if anything is changing. But, until then, we're going to keep on going! Please remember us in your prayers...please pray for us to remember what is true. Please pray for the Lord to keep providing all we do need and will need...and please pray for the country of Ethiopia, as they discuss and talk. Thank you, friends...we love you.
Monday, December 30, 2013
Prayer requested...
I had another posting in here, but needed to update...
We got an email today from our adoption agency, clarifying some information that has been circulating about Ethiopian adoptions: things may be changing, thus making the process of adoption longer for parents/families.
Adoption isn't promised to work the same for each family - Mike and I know this. It's not a guaranteed process with definite outcomes. But, Mike and I also know that we are not the ones in control of this. I was reminded of this as I read the email.
I got the email and asked for prayer from many of you. I felt pretty peaceful, actually, as I got texts from you. But, then the lies of the evil one started to creep in: "It's not going to work", "You might as well give up" "You were foolish to think this would actually happen." As I started a load of laundry, I found myself on my knees in the kitchen (holding a pair of dirty jeans, no less) and in tears. It was scary and so sad...those lies made me feel so alone.
Before I started the laundry, I had changed my iTunes station to a Christian one, asking it to play songs like Rich Mullins. And as I knelt in the kitchen, I heard "Above All" (Michael W. Smith) start to play...and as I asked the Lord to speak to my heart and tell me true things and telling Him of how much I desire to be a mommy, I heard this line "Crucified, laid behind the stone..." and the Lord said "I moved that stone, Natalie and I conquered death...I can move mountains, and the sea...I am in control".
I cried more, but not tears of fear and sadness...tears of a girl whose Daddy just picked her up and gave her a hug.
Friends, please pray...pray for peace, and for the process, and for His will to continue to be done. If you know of anyone who has adopted from Ethiopia, please ask them to share their positive experiences here: contactinfo@ethiostork.org or at ethiostork.
He's on His throne and in control and He is so loving and good...thank you for being on this journey with us.
We got an email today from our adoption agency, clarifying some information that has been circulating about Ethiopian adoptions: things may be changing, thus making the process of adoption longer for parents/families.
Adoption isn't promised to work the same for each family - Mike and I know this. It's not a guaranteed process with definite outcomes. But, Mike and I also know that we are not the ones in control of this. I was reminded of this as I read the email.
I got the email and asked for prayer from many of you. I felt pretty peaceful, actually, as I got texts from you. But, then the lies of the evil one started to creep in: "It's not going to work", "You might as well give up" "You were foolish to think this would actually happen." As I started a load of laundry, I found myself on my knees in the kitchen (holding a pair of dirty jeans, no less) and in tears. It was scary and so sad...those lies made me feel so alone.
Before I started the laundry, I had changed my iTunes station to a Christian one, asking it to play songs like Rich Mullins. And as I knelt in the kitchen, I heard "Above All" (Michael W. Smith) start to play...and as I asked the Lord to speak to my heart and tell me true things and telling Him of how much I desire to be a mommy, I heard this line "Crucified, laid behind the stone..." and the Lord said "I moved that stone, Natalie and I conquered death...I can move mountains, and the sea...I am in control".
I cried more, but not tears of fear and sadness...tears of a girl whose Daddy just picked her up and gave her a hug.
Friends, please pray...pray for peace, and for the process, and for His will to continue to be done. If you know of anyone who has adopted from Ethiopia, please ask them to share their positive experiences here: contactinfo@ethiostork.org or at ethiostork.
He's on His throne and in control and He is so loving and good...thank you for being on this journey with us.
Friday, December 27, 2013
waiting and preparing
In early November, Natalie and I put up our Christmas lights. Around Thanksgiving we put up our Christmas tree and other Christmas decorations. After that we start to listen to more Christmas music (yes more because Natalie starts listening to Christmas music in early November). We start to drive around Holland to look at the lights and Christmas decorations that others have put up. We watch Christmas movies. We wait for snow to fall and make everything look like Christmas. We go to Christmas parties, we go to Christmas events downtown. We buy gifts for our families. All in anxious preparation of the season. The Christmas season is a time of waiting and preparation.
I can't help but think it is the same for Natalie and I right now in the adoption process. We are waiting and preparing. Preparing and waiting. Waiting for a child to join our family. I have to admit that the waiting is hard, I am not a patient person. I like things to happen on my time, when I want them to happen. I am like the kid who can't wait to open up his Christmas gift. Yet this is a season of waiting and preparing. My tendency is to want to rush through it and get to the end. However, I want to slow down and enjoy this season. Much like I did with the Christmas season this year. I am seeking to enjoy the waiting and preparing.
I can't help but think it is the same for Natalie and I right now in the adoption process. We are waiting and preparing. Preparing and waiting. Waiting for a child to join our family. I have to admit that the waiting is hard, I am not a patient person. I like things to happen on my time, when I want them to happen. I am like the kid who can't wait to open up his Christmas gift. Yet this is a season of waiting and preparing. My tendency is to want to rush through it and get to the end. However, I want to slow down and enjoy this season. Much like I did with the Christmas season this year. I am seeking to enjoy the waiting and preparing.
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Peace on earth....and in our home-study.
We had our first home-study this past Thursday! I want to tell you all about it! (PS: as I write this, I keep getting distracted by the different Christmas-y things of our house...lights twinkling causing the different glittery decorations to catch my eye, candles giving off amazing cinnamon/sugar/pine sent, and the view outside the windows is one of snow covered tree branches. It's like a Christmas card. This post could take me awhile to write at this pace!)
So now that I have acknowledged the beauty of Christmas around me, and as I try to focus on the computer screen, on to the topic that you came to read about!
Before the first home study, our adoption agency asked us to fill out a questionnaire so that they knew a little bit about us before we sat down with her. (Side note, not about Christmas, only one of our three home studies will be done in our home...the rest are done at the adoption agency. These are more so that they can get to know Mike and I.) That being said, the questionnaire didn't ask questions about our home, it asked questions about us. They asked about our childhoods, our dating relationships, our marriage, our goals and dreams, how we resolve issues, what we do in our free time...pretty much everything and anything was asked.
I kinda freaked out after I looked at the questionnaire the first time. ("Kinda" means "totally did"). It scared me to think about being so honest with my whole life and I was pretty sure they were going to find a reason to tell us "no". But, through beautiful friends, my amazing husband, and a quote from one of my favorite books, I was reminded that we are called to be faithful and that this whole journey is to show how great our God is.
After sending in our questionnaires, we had a few days until we met with our case worker to talk about them. I had expected to be nervous, but I wasn't. I expected to be consumed with the same lies that freaked me out earlier, but I wasn't. I expected to not sleep, but I did. The day of the home study, I expected to be nervously cleaning and to be edgy...I wasn't. I was completely peaceful. I like to prepare and to know what's going to happen (as you all well know), but I was totally at peace that we're right where we should be and that He is glorified through the telling of our stories. He was asking me to rest in Him, and I'm so glad I did.
The home study went great. Our caseworker seems kind and I know she has been hand picked by the Lord to play this part in our journey. We talked, told our stories, and were able to talk out loud about being a family of three. Neither of us felt nervous, and I am so confident that that calm spirit was nothing but God.
Peace on earth...and in my heart...and in this process. The Christmas season is filled with joy, hope, peace, love, warmth...and these are all things that I feel and know in my innermost being. The next home study is for the end of January and thinking about it doesn't freak me out...I'm excited to continue the process and take another step towards our child. One more step closer to being able to meet them, and touch their face, and hold their hand, and give them our last name. That thought is the best Christmas gift ever. <3
So now that I have acknowledged the beauty of Christmas around me, and as I try to focus on the computer screen, on to the topic that you came to read about!
Before the first home study, our adoption agency asked us to fill out a questionnaire so that they knew a little bit about us before we sat down with her. (Side note, not about Christmas, only one of our three home studies will be done in our home...the rest are done at the adoption agency. These are more so that they can get to know Mike and I.) That being said, the questionnaire didn't ask questions about our home, it asked questions about us. They asked about our childhoods, our dating relationships, our marriage, our goals and dreams, how we resolve issues, what we do in our free time...pretty much everything and anything was asked.
I kinda freaked out after I looked at the questionnaire the first time. ("Kinda" means "totally did"). It scared me to think about being so honest with my whole life and I was pretty sure they were going to find a reason to tell us "no". But, through beautiful friends, my amazing husband, and a quote from one of my favorite books, I was reminded that we are called to be faithful and that this whole journey is to show how great our God is.
After sending in our questionnaires, we had a few days until we met with our case worker to talk about them. I had expected to be nervous, but I wasn't. I expected to be consumed with the same lies that freaked me out earlier, but I wasn't. I expected to not sleep, but I did. The day of the home study, I expected to be nervously cleaning and to be edgy...I wasn't. I was completely peaceful. I like to prepare and to know what's going to happen (as you all well know), but I was totally at peace that we're right where we should be and that He is glorified through the telling of our stories. He was asking me to rest in Him, and I'm so glad I did.
The home study went great. Our caseworker seems kind and I know she has been hand picked by the Lord to play this part in our journey. We talked, told our stories, and were able to talk out loud about being a family of three. Neither of us felt nervous, and I am so confident that that calm spirit was nothing but God.
Peace on earth...and in my heart...and in this process. The Christmas season is filled with joy, hope, peace, love, warmth...and these are all things that I feel and know in my innermost being. The next home study is for the end of January and thinking about it doesn't freak me out...I'm excited to continue the process and take another step towards our child. One more step closer to being able to meet them, and touch their face, and hold their hand, and give them our last name. That thought is the best Christmas gift ever. <3
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