Another year.

Okay so I haven't been the best (or good at all, haha) at continuing to update in here. Let's fix that now. 

I feel like I should start with saying something like "2015 was a year of learning and growing"...and it was, but I feel like that's a boring and bland description of what our year was. Our year was hopeful and exciting, and then it was sad and confusing and it made me angry, and then it went back to being hopeful, but with a mix of scary/unknown in it this time. It was a year of continuing to pray and to wait. It was a year of realizing again that His plans not always the ones I assume they are. It was a year of tears and prayers and the knowledge that "hope" is something that you have to work to keep sometimes because it can be easier to give into doubt and to cynicalness...and that doubt and cynicalness is very easy to justify that because of "what we've gone through". It was a year of sharing my fears and my struggle with others, and letting people know my fears and my hurts. It was a year of me realizing that I am not called to share my journey only when it goes the way I think it should - that I am called to share my whole journey. I am called to share the parts I don't understand, and I'm called to share the parts that make me mad, and the parts that make me cry. I am called to share that because it's not about me. It's about God and how He is always good and always faithful and always working. Maybe it doesn't make sense to some, and maybe some people will think it's ridiculous, but that's okay. 

I have seen people picking words for 2016...a theme for the year, or something they want to discover or become. One of my friends has picked the word "Held" for the year, another "Hope", and I have seen words like "Pray", "Believe", and "Become" pop up on my Facebook newsfeed. My friends, "Held" and "Hope", encouraged me to pick a word for the year. As I thought about what my word should be, I asked God to let me know what it is He wants me to know in my heart and in my soul this year. The word He gave me is "Immanuel". 

"Immanuel" is normally heard around Christmas time and means "God with us". How perfect of a word for me. How perfect of a word for me to be able to share with Mike and for us to incorporate into our home and into our journey. It is so important for to to remind myself of as we finish up our paperwork and start our classes. It's important for me to remember when it's exciting or when it's scary or when it's just calm. It's important for me to remember and to know as we live our lives. Even if 2016 is another year of waiting...He is with us. Immanuel. Even if there is another turn in our road...Immanuel. Even if this is our year and we start 2017 with a family that is more than the two of us...Immanuel. In the hard times when I don't think we can do it, or in the happy times when I think that I will never be happier. And in the times when I don't know. It reminds me that He is with us...He has not left us on the side of the road. He's right here. And it reminds me to worship as the angels did that night He was born. To celebrate. And to know. Immanuel. 

This morning, I did the paperwork for our Michigan Foster License and at the end of the month, we have two weekends of classes that are state required. We're starting 2016 off running and I'm thankful for it. It's very unknown, but we continue to ask God's guidance in this and that He continue to be glorified in our lives. We continue to pray for our children...for Russia and for Ethiopia. We ask for His protection and for His mercy on our children. We ask that He shape us to be the parents that we need to be. We ask Him to make us parents this year. 

So here we are...another year and it is filled with the possibility that anything can (and may!) happen. I am hopeful and excited and scared. But I know that He's already there at the end of this year and that He's got my minutes in His hands. He has been with us. And He will stay with us. And He is with us. Immanuel.