Advent: a season of yearning

I think this is the longest I've ever gone without updating in this blog. I've thought about it many times and have even sat down and started a post, but the feelings in my heart couldn't be formed into words to type and the posts ended up random and non-nonsensical and were all eventually deleted. 

Since September, so many people have asked "So...any news??" and I love that people are still remembering us. It means so much to us. But, what I hate is that everyone gets the same answer of "nope, we're just waiting". Waiting. Story of our journey, right? I hate that that's the answer though. And it's hard to hear the responses sometimes: "what's taking so long?" "I know people who have done this and they got a baby the next day!", "have you tried ____ or ____?". I'm not saying that I don't like people being involved, it just hard because we're just waiting...we've done everything we can do and we're prayerfully pleading before the throne for what's next. At one point, I told Mike that I feel like I need to hire someone to be our speaker...to let people know that we appreciate so much their prayers and support, but that we have no news and we greatly covet their prayers. My heart is right on my sleeve with this for me that it's sometimes hard to talk about without feeling the tears burn my eyes and I don't want to freak people out by bawling every time I talk about it.

I have developed a new love for the season of Advent this year. Advent is a season of waiting - a people waiting for their Messiah, not knowing when or how He is coming, but knowing that He will come eventually because He said He would. And He always does what He says He will do. Sound familiar? That's where we are: waiting on God to show us what's next - not knowing how or when, but knowing it will happen eventually. It is a season of hope and anticipation, with the heart break of un-completion. 

The word that the Lord gave me at the start of 2016 was "Immanuel: God with us" and we have seen how He has not forgotten us this past year, even with all the waiting and deafening silence that we have experienced. He has brought different people into our lives since September to speak promises over us, and others remind us of the promise He has spoken over us, to remind us that He is still working, and to remind us that He smiles as He continues to work. He has not forgotten us. Even in those times of heartbreak for me, when I cannot stop the tears and the cries of my heart cannot be expressed in spoken words other than "Lord, hear my humble cry", He has remained with me. He promises that He is with our children, watching over them and speaking to their hearts. 

This morning, as I was talking to "Held" and "Hope" through our group text, the topic of what our 2017 words will be. I asked God what He wanted for me this next year and He gave me the word "Yearn". Initially, I thought it sounded a little weird and "girl stalking a boy" like. But, I looked it up and (as it turns out), God knew what He was saying to me. It is an intense longing for something, to wait for completion. It is to wait, with your heart wide open in anticipation. (That last part is my version of the word). 

2017 will be a year of yearning for me. But, I don't mean for it to be a sad year. I fully believe that the Lord is going to continue to work His plan, as He has the past 4+ years. I felt God tell me to make a list of what I'm waiting for and to watch to see how He shows Himself in those things. It's not a word full of sadness, it's a word full of hope and anticipation and the "open hands, open heart" feeling that you get as you plead before the Lord. It is knowing in my heart that God always completes what He starts and that His name will be glorified. 

So, as I wrap this post up, I ask that you keep praying for us, and for our child(ren), wherever they are this Christmas. May the Lord bless you all and may you see Who He is and how much He loves you. Merry Christmas, sweet friends.