Okay, let's get to it. An update.
Mike and I spent the last 7 days at Wilderness State Park. It was amazing and beautiful and relaxing. One day, as we were sitting and watching the water, he mentioned that someone had asked about our blog and if we had any updates. I told him that I didn't feel like I had anything to write about and he disagreed. I could write about the month of July. I don't want to write about the month of July because it wasn't a good month for me. But you know what is good? God is. And He has asked me to share and to be honest so that the month isn't left as a dark memory for me, but a memory that shows Who He is and what He's about.
Nothing "happened" in July. We got no bad news. Nothing that would make it such a dark month - but maybe that "nothingness" is what caused such a hard time for me. Every morning, one of the first things I see when I come out of our bedroom is the corner of the crib. And I pass the kids room and I look at their beds. The beds that remain empty. And we were experiencing a lot of radio silence from our adoption worker when we had hoped that we would have a placement soon after our license being issued. The summer was progressing quickly and my hopes of vacationing with our kids, and school shopping, and starting our life together before fall was seeming less and less likely. We've been waiting a long time and I had so hoped that we were at the end of our wait. And it was a lot for me. I started to become sad. Really sad. Sadder than I ever remember being and I felt like I couldn't explain any of it.
A sweet and God-sent friend of mine put my sadness into words. She said "He sees you there, down in the back corner of the basement waiting room where you see cobwebs and dust-bunnies.". The back corner of the basement waiting room. Sitting and watching those around me get up and move to the next place. Beyond the waiting room. And I know we're where we should be. But, that knowledge doesn't always make the yearning, the heart ache, and the sadness better. I felt like maybe God forgot about me, down there in the waiting room, and He moved on.
But God sees me. And the truth of those words are amazing. BUT GOD SEES ME. He is asking us to wait in the waiting room, but He has a plan for us. He has a plan for us while we're in the waiting room. And He has a plan for us beyond the waiting room. He sees us. He sees our children. He's protecting them and speaking to them. He knows all of our names. Does that amaze anyone else? He knows our name.
I SO wish that the end of this update said something like "I had a moment with Jesus where I saw everything clearly all of a sudden and the next day, we got an email saying they had found a placement for us and we're going to meet them this week." It doesn't. Life is not a 30 minute sitcom. But, it seems that after a month of "nothing", we are starting to move again. We very recently got the news that we have a new adoption worker. One that works only with families adopting from foster care. And after I post this, I'm going to start working on the profile for the Family Directory for MARE that our navigator from MARE asked us to do. These are all good things, and this is our next step and that means one step closer to meeting the little people we love and have been praying for. And God knows our names.
So that's the story of July. And I'm thankful it, even though it was hard. And I'm thankful for you - for those those interceded for me during my darkest moments without judgement. Please continue to pray for all of us. Our time in the waiting room has been longer than any of us have bargained for, but we're going to continue to wait and pray. Because I believe with all of my heart that it will be worth it.
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