Please read this entry - we need prayer.

I haven't even changed out of my work clothes yet. I got home and wanted to write to you all while I was feeling "up" about all this.

We got the news this weekend from our adoption agency that while Ethiopia is not closing it's doors officially to international adoption, they do not believe the country intends to continue adoption of children from their country. There are 11 families who have already been placed with a child and it is their hope to be able to bring those children home, but after that they will be exiting the country. So, we need to start again. Again.

I wasn't totally shocked by this news. As we have already seen with Russia, this happens. But, just because I wasn't shocked, doesn't mean it didn't break my heart. It totally broke my heart and my heart is still broke.

After we got the email, and let it process a little - the tears and emotion came: angry, sad, confused, lonely. As we laid on our bed, Mike prayed and I cried...the ugly type of bawling...snotty nose-puffy eyes-hiccups type of cry. After Mike prayed, he said to me "I just keep hearing the word 'faithful' in my mind." In between my hiccups and sobs, I felt the Lord tell me that He loved me. And I told Him that I didn't want to hear it. (Side note: I'm very thankful for a God who can handle my emotions!!). I decided to go to bed angry at Him that night.

Well, as it turns out - God will not be ignored. He woke me up bright and early to talk. I got out of bed, got my coffee, and sat down in the living room. I opened up my daily devotional by (my future BFF) Shauna Niequist and turned to the date. It was about how when she felt furthest from God, she ended up just holding her Bible and waiting for Him to do something. So, I did that for awhile. And I felt Him tell me to turn to Psalms and read. I got to Psalm 4 and the tears started all over again. Here's what it says: (I've put in bold the parts that He used to speak to my heart)

Answer me when I call to you,
    my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
    have mercy on me and hear my prayer.

 How long will you people turn my glory into shame?
    How long will you love delusions and seek false god?  

Know that the Lord has set apart his faithful servant for himself;
    the Lord hears when I call to him.

Tremble and do not sin;
    when you are on your beds,
    search your hearts and be silent.

Offer the sacrifices of the righteous
    and trust in the Lord.

 Many, Lord, are asking, “Who will bring us prosperity?”
    Let the light of your face shine on us.

Fill my heart with joy
    when their grain and new wine abound.

In peace I will lie down and sleep,
    for you alone, Lord,
    make me dwell in safety.

 So I asked Him to fill my heart with joy: something I didn't think was possible, nor did I really know if I actually wanted. I kept repeating: "Lord hear my prayer", even though I couldn't really put into words what I was feeling. And there, in our living room, He gave me joy. It's not a joy that says " I'm fine now, let's dance!", but it's a joy that says "He's not done yet". It's a joy that tells me that we're not forgotten and that those children in Ethiopia are not forgotten. It is a promise that He is eternally good.

Our agency gave us some options, and asked that we let them know by June 1 what we feel is best for our family. So here is where we need your prayers because that's not far away. We need prayers for wisdom and for peace and for joy and for guidance. 

The past 4 four months or so, the Lord has put Ephesians 1:16-21 on my heart to pray for others, and that is what I'm asking that you pray for us. Here it is: 

  I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. 

 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.   

I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people,  

 and his incomparably great power for us who believe. 

That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, 

 far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.

 

So there's where we are. Please, friends, pray for us and for the other families who are all making this same choice. We love you.