dark night of the soul- please continue to pray

Hey All, this is Mike. I know I don't post here very often. In light of what has happened I feel led to share what I have been feeling.

I am a fan of good stories. A type of story that really has interested me of late is the Superhero stories. I have been reading a lot of Batman and just saw the last two Avenger movies. What these stories have and what makes them interesting and thrilling is there is a time when all hope seems to be lost. This is sometimes called the "Dark Night of the Soul." When this scene occurs in a movie we are all on the edge of our seats and biting our nails. Without this scene, the story would be boring, there would be no tension.

The news that Ethiopia is basically closing adoption and that our hopes and dreams of adopting a child from Ethiopia is a "Dark Night of the Soul" scene for me. It really has been a downer time for me. Right now it seems like the chance of Natalie and I adopting a child is hopeless. Like a distant dream that will never come true.

The past few days I have been angry with God. I have asked so many questions and have seemed to get so few answers. My temptation is to power through. My temptation is to not name the anger, hurt and feelings of betrayal. However, I know I need to name those feelings and grieve. My temptation is to rush out of the "Dark Night of the Soul." I know if I rush out of that place I will miss out on the beauty on the other side.

Today, has been a better day. Not in that I see hope, but that I woke up ready to go, ready to face the day and accomplish what God had for me. Not because I am better, but because I need to continue to fight. Because I want to continue the good fight. There is a child out there for Natalie and I. It is just hard, if not impossible for me to see how that will happen.

As I type this a passage that has meant so much to my family comes to mind. It is Psalm 23. There is one verse that sticks out to me right now. 

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. (Psalm 23:4 NLT)

Even though I am experiencing a "Dark Night of the Soul" I will not be afraid. For God is by my side and he comforts me. Right now I can't see to the other side of this scene. But my hope is, that like all great Superhero movies, that this story ends up with good defeating evil. That Natalie and I will get to share with you in the celebration of a child. Making us a family of three.

Please continue to pray for us as we deal with this pain and as we seek God's will for us. #June1st