What is true.

I think if I ever write a book about our adoption journey, I'm going to have to do a spin off of "Mr Toads Wild Ride" as a title because that's what life feels like to me sometimes. 

I didn't write to you at all in February, but since it was a short month, let's say that was the reason and not the actual truth which is: I'm kinda riding the struggle bus lately. And I am well aware that I am buying my own ticket and putting myself on the bus, but I've definitely been a passenger this last month. 

Here's another truth for you: on my voyages riding the bus, I have realized that God is faithful. All. The. Time. Even when I would actually prefer Him not to be. He is there in the morning, He is there when I'm going throughout my day, and He is there awhile I sleep. Which means, He knows what's going on and He is in control. He is faithful when I would rather prefer to believe that He has forgotten about me. I would rather believe that He wants me to take the reigns and take the path that I think would be easiest. I find myself annoyed sometimes at His plan and I feel frustrated that I know what is true and what is right. 

While I'm at it, let's just keep going with this "truth" thing...I believe that God is in control of this journey and what I have been struggling with lately is the nagging voice in my head and in my heart that is saying "you're never going to get what you dreamed of" because that voice is trying to get me to take my eyes off of Him and focus on "what I won't have". It is trying to move my center. 

I'm not trying to be vague here or dramatic. This is just what I'm going through right now and I don't want to ignore it. We are still on our journey and we still believe that this is where we should be. We have had chances lately to change our path, but we just don't have peace about it. It's kinda frustrating, to be honest. But, I have to keep my eyes and heart focused on Him. Yes, we know other ways might be faster. Yes, we know there are children all over the world and right here that need families. Yes, we wish it would go faster. Yes, this is hard. But He hasn't forgotten us...He knows my name. He knows my heart, He is the one who's keeps it beating. He knows what I dream of and what my heart aches for, He gave me the ability to dream and to love. He knows. He actually sits next to me on the bus and asks me if He can help me get down the step to the sidewalk again. He is faithful. All. The. Time. And I want to be faithful to Him and what He is calling me too. I want His fingerprints to be evident on all things. 

So, here's to Monday and to our journey and to returning this ticket to struggle bus. I want to walk.