So, here's where are...still...

Here's the thing: we personally haven't done anything for our adoption since my last post. Nothing. Not one thing. Zero things. Our village (that's you) has still been amazing. You have continued to ask, and to pray, and to give, and to support. But, Mike and I have been struggling.

It's not that we are purposefully neglecting our paperwork, it's that it seems like every time we think we're going to have time to sit down and check off some boxes, something really big comes up. And it's driving me crazy. I've always been really honest with you guys with my lack of patience and my constant struggle to not jump ahead of the leader...so you should not be shocked with the fact that I'm so frustrated with this "pause".

On our way to the church Mike was teaching at last night, I was sharing my frustration with him how we don't seem to have the time I had hoped we would have and how we're not as far into this paperwork process as I wanted to be. He validated my feelings...but then he brought it all back to where it should be. He said  "God doesn't promise things to us on our time, He has His own time...look at Abraham, it took 20 years for him to fulfill His promise". Gah...right in the realness. 

Then, as I was messaging with a sweet friend, she shared something from her life with me... and she used the words "finding peace with God, without putting stipulations on the relationship with Him." and, again, it was like a poke right to the heart...right into the "knows". I totally have been putting stipulations on my relationship with the Lord in this. Ugh...let the humbling begin...

I realized that I had let myself come to a place where I just assumed that the Lord could put our lives on "auto pilot" so we could get this stuff done. I assumed since this part was so time consuming, He would let us "skate by" for awhile.  "God, I'm doing what you want, now please just hold the phone for a second". Not really a Biblical idea...nor is it what happened. Nor should it have, honestly. God never says "come follow me, and I'll make it super easy for you." But, He says "Come follow me, and I'll walk with you...I'm never going to leave you." When did my heart decide it was okay to forget that?

The things that have come up in our lives, are big things. They are things that have forced us to put our full attention on Him, to trust Him, to watch Him work in all areas, and we have been amazed. And, I realized, I was being a little (okay, maybe a lot) selfish in my refusal to acknowledge it all and only focus on what I wanted to be doing. I was loosing sight of what God does daily and every minute...and of how He not only provides for us as adoptive parents, but He provides for us as His children. And I'm thankful...

So there's where we are...still...but it's where we are and I'm actually thankful for it now. Because He is gracious...and He is loving... and He is forgiving...and He is in control.

Here's my prayer request for our village (again, that's you haha): I'd love to be able to start working on our paperwork...but I want to make sure that my heart and mind stay focused on what (actually, Who) it should be on. So please pray that we have time to get some stuff done but pray that we are able to keep our hearts thankful for what we have been given. I don't want this to become "another thing to get done"...I want to keep a heart of gratitude and a heart that is seeking Him and what He wants.

Thanks for being there for me, Village and for surrounding us like you have. Thanks K for sharing your heart with me, the Lord used your honesty to speak to my heart. And thanks, Mikey...for reminding me of what's true.