Approved - a green thumbs up

Last Thursday morning was our last home study. Oh man, oh man, oh man. As you can tell from my last entry, I had some worries about it. But, as you can tell from my status and this title, we were approved. :-) Here's the story:

She was planning on being here at 9am and told us it would talk about 3 hours for the final home study. So we were ready by 8:30am, and because of the confusion that can happen when people aren't familiar with our little town, she was 15 minutes late. This left an extra 15 minutes for me to wander around the house, making sure things were neat and in place. (Although, she didn't even check my dish towel drawer to make sure my towels were all folded and organized by color, haha. But, if she had - it would have been ready!) When she got here, she sat down with us and started going through her checklist of things...starting with the financial stuff. She looked through our papers and asked a few questions and then moved right on to the next thing on the list! It was only 10:30am when she closed her folder and said "okay, I think we're done." Mike got up to use the bathroom and get a drink and I couldn't help myself...I asked "So....did we pass?". Guys, that was the longest 1 second before a response that I've ever experienced. It probably wasn't even a second, but in my mind it felt like 30 seconds! She actually responded right away and said "Absolutely. I will be approving you - green thumbs up" (that's what you see on the adoption portal when something gets approved).

Well, of course I started crying. So thankful. It's been such a long process so far and to know that we're done with this part of it and can fully move on to the next is so wonderful. Now, our case worker will write all of our home studies up and submit them. Then they go through a few people to look over everything and get it notarized. Now, we can start working on our dossier (which, as my husband says, is French for "a whole lot of paperwork").

I had someone recently say to me "when this is all done, you're going to look back and laugh at how silly you are to worry". They meant it with the best of intentions, meaning that they thought it was all going to work out and the time spent worrying about it is fruitless. And, truthfully, worry is fruitless. I know this with my whole heart - I know the Lord knew the outcome before we even started the process. But, what I want to keep reminding myself of is this: what I was feeling was legit. I really felt that concern and I really cried out to the Lord. I was there...it was really something I was struggling with.

As I was struggling, I asked the Lord to give me a promise to hold on to. To provide me with something to carry with me and remind myself of when I started to feel that feeling in my stomach and when my brain started to get so loud that I couldn't seem to get away. I asked Him to give me a promise. He told me this: "I am God."

Now, I don't know what exactly I thought He would say to me...but I was not expecting that. It took me by surprise. I had to just sit and think about it for a few minutes. "I am God". He is who He says He is...He is the beginning and the end, He is fully here, and He is fully there. He is loving. He is sovereign. He is mighty. He is fully of mercy and He is fully of grace. He is the One who tells my heart to beat...the One who tells the leaves to change color in the fall and the One who wakes everything up in the spring. He knows how many stars are in the sky and how many grains of sand are on the beach. He was there with me in those minutes of anxiety and He was already there in our living room after our home study. He knows who our child is. And He knows me. He provides joy and peace to me when I ask...without fail. And I am so thankful. 

"Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
(Isaiah 40: 26, 28-31)

Before I forget, you guys played a part in our last home study! I have been saving the notes and cards and wishes that you have sent to us. I put them all in a scrapbook and my hope is that one day, our sweet child will look through it and realize how loved and wanted they were, even before we knew who they were! I showed this to our case worker and she loved it. She thought it was such a sweet idea and said "your child is blessed to have so many people who love them already." We agree. Thanks for being our continual support system and for loving all three of us. :-)