Noah built a huge boat in a drought, Gideon chose his men by how they drank their water, Joshua walked around a building for days, Moses talked to a burning bush, Joseph and Mary were told about their child by an angel and experienced a virgin birth, and Abraham prayed for years for a child only to be told to sacrifice him on an alter.   "The LORD directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?" (Proverbs 20:24)

A few weeks ago, I had a weird dream. I was standing on the steps of a building and in front of me was a huge door. It was closed. I knew that on the other side of that door, was Russia. In my dream I stood there looking at the door and thinking "But my baby is on the other side of that door". I woke up a little confused, not sure if the dream meant anything or if it was just a dream. I shared it with Mike and we both decided to pray about it, asking that if the dream was supposed to mean something, that the Lord would let us know. "He speaks in dreams, in visions of the night, when deep sleep falls on people as they lie in their beds." (Job 33:15)

Throughout our marriage, Mike has said that I should think about going back to school for a Master's in Counseling. I, however, don't think so. It costs lots of money, we're already in debt from college, and it doesn't really sound like something that makes sense for
us...especially lately since we're trying to save for our adoption. Since we had a few months every year of unemployment, it was always something that really wasn't "do-able". Well, the Lord led us to  Holland and showed us that His plan was to have Mike work with Lakeshore Pregnancy Centers. It provides a steady income, year round and we know it's what God has
been preparing him for. Since Mike has gotten this job, he's mentioned it a few more times but I haven't been able to brush it aside. It been like a little gnat flying around my ear while I try to sleep. So I started to pray about and have felt that maybe Mike's been right. But
something hasn't felt finished with it all yet.
 

Before the alarm went off this morning, I was awakened by the need to pray about my future. So I did, asking that the Lord be obvious to me about what He wanted with school, work, and adoption.

I couldn't focus at all to what the pastor was saying in church, completely consumed with asking God what He was doing and trying to figure out what He was saying. By the end of service, I was pretty sure of what He was saying...I thought it was saying "I want you to pursue school", but was struggling with the "how" and "what about the baby". I decided to pray specifically for a few things...things like health benefits, a different job (My current job is extremely draining and I do not feel that it is where God is calling me to stay), and asked Him to help me understand the details of the adoption. I also asked God that He talk to Mike individually about the same things.

We went to lunch afterwards, and I told Mike about thinking that God's "ringing the school bell" for me. He was excited, trying to encourage me and saying that we'll start praying together, as well as continuing to pray individually for the means to this. I had been thinking about that closed door...wondering if this is the answer to the prayers for clarification that we had asked for. But, I didn't say anything to Mike about it.

After lunch we went grocery shopping and came home. Later, Mike came into the living room and said "I think the Lord told me the meaning of your dream. I think maybe the door is closed because you are supposed to go back to school first."

God answered my prayers...and truthfully, my heart is a little broken. Not because I don't want to go back to school, but because I'm having a hard time with the fact that it might be another 2 years before our baby is home. I know that even if we were fully pursuing adoption right now, it could still take 2 years...I know that this means that she isn't ready to come home yet...I know that it's only 2 years..."And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28).  I know these things. When I realized that He was saying "Russia", my prayer was that "no matter what, His name be glorified." I said I wanted to do what He wanted me to do...to go where He wanted me to go...and I told Him that I was willing. Well...here's where the rubber meets the road, I guess.
 

Mike and I will continue to pray specifically about health benefits and my job situation. And I guess, we'll just see what God has planned. Please pray with us.  My whole life story wouldn't be what I had planned for myself, but His plans are greater than mine and I'd rather trust Him than myself.