Jesus loves you, so I don't have to.

Since starting the process of adoption, my view of life has changed a lot. The main view has been my view of what it means to love other people. 

1 Corinthians 13 says this: 

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.  For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Truth be told: I am not an expert at loving perfectly. I am not always good at it and sometimes I choose to not do it. There are people in life that I SERIOUSLY struggle to love...like women who are mean to other women so that they momentarily feel better about themselves (which never actually works because they are only then more paranoid that other people are talking about them, like they are about other people), or Christians who say or encourage the attitude of "You aren't entitled to what I have earned" (because who exactly do you think you are? No one deserves good things in life, no one has earned them. We actually deserve death. Jesus is actually the only One who can say that. But He doesn't, so why do you think you can say that?) I struggle so much. I struggle with the fight that is this: "Jesus loves you, so I don't have to" because some people are NOT fun to love. But you know what? I am in the same boat as the people who I struggle with..it's like we're actually rowing right next to each other. Because just as I talk about struggling to love others, I'm sure someone is feeling the same way about me. Talk about humbling.

 I read chapter 13 as this for my life: "If I have great blog posts and write solid and truthful-sounding paragraphs, but I don't love, I am merely an author of empty words. If I journey down this path of being shown who Jesus is, but I do not show Jesus to others, I am walking in hypocrisy. Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous, it does not brag, it does not put down others, it is not selfish, it does not get angry easy, it doesn't hold a grudge, it doesn't smile when bad things happen to other people, love is so happy in truth, it protects, it trusts, it hopes, it keeps going. It. Never. Fails."

As I think about the life our child will live, I realize that they will not always be shown love by other people. I realize that even church-going people will look at them and decide to have a certain attitude about them. I realize that kids are going mean, and that grown adults are going make the daily choice to stay ignorant and hateful. I realize that some people are always going to be unfair, and that some people are going to take out insecurities on other people. I realize they will face some of the same kinds of attitudes that I faced, and that they are going to face attitudes that I have never (and will never) experience. But I also realize that while we cannot choose what happens to us, we can choose our reactions, and we can choose where we go from there.

While we are in this time of waiting, I want to use it, not wish it away. I want to use it to practice loving. Because when our child comes home, I want to be able to walk along side of them as we learn what it means to love like Jesus does. I want to look at my fellow oars-men and say "Jesus loves me, so I love you". I want to be genuine with my love and not pride myself on how well I love people who are fun to love, but I want to be thankful for the chances to love people who I struggle with...because He loves me, and I'm pretty unlovable myself.

1 John 4:19 

"We love because He first loved us."